Ending a Great Month

A lot of changes happened this month. My Bug lost his first tooth on Friday the 27th and Nicholas has given up baby toys for his big brother's toys. Fred turned 38 years old on the 19th and completed his last class to finally earn his Bachelor's in Business on the 24th. We celebrated 8 years of marriage on the 24th also. I started a new contract on the 2nd and I moved into another office in my building. I received my book to prepare for a new semester of teaching. I created two new websites and started collecting ideas for my articles and future writings. I have started my workshops to quench my desire to help myself and others overcome overeating.

Over the past two months, I have established a better relationship with God. I am better acquainted with His love and His desire to NEVER give up on me. He won't quit nor will he allow me to quit.  I have finally started to understand Him a little better and am more drawn to learning more about Him. Through this knowledge things are becoming more clear as to what He wants from me and my family.

After three years or more, I have an idea of what God was talking about when he wanted me to check the motives for what I do. I had the TOTALLY wrong motives and the bad thing about it, I didn't know that my motives were out of line. He also wanted me to know that if "it" is not of God it is anti-Christ (not of Christ). EVERYTHING! As I have witnessed in the media just this week, when you take a stand for Christ and the written truth of the Holy Bible, you get ridiculed and ostracized. A CEO of a major Southern food chain stated his stance....HIS STANCE on same-sexed marriage and boy o boy did he catch it! Now, when someone else give there opinion that is totally against God and his establishment of the family, there isn't a problem. His opinion is accepted. But when someone takes a stand for what The Word of God says, but that is a big problem and we have got to find a way for him to conform to our idea of what is right or we won't let you do business with us. SO WHAT! you keep on standing CEO, I am willing to be the farm that by this time next year, you will have several franchises in everyone of the States that indicated your inability to establish a franchise in their city.

I also realize that in order for me to be successful a schedule is a must. I have a schedule for business. But I have failed to stick to a schedule in my personal life. I let the boys rule the afternoons and evenings. That has left a lot undone. So scheduling it is. Even for my home activities. This will make for a more healthy life. Please checkout my new website and join me as I win the battle of the bulge permanently through the knowledge of God.   spiritfitness.net

He won't let me give up! He loves me too much.

Today is the 4th of July 2012. I am at home with my boys trying to decide what I am going to do with my hair. It is natural, thick and longer than I usually allow it to get. I don't want to cut it because I want to start wearing it straight. So I am at a crossroad. What to do??? I must decide tonight.

About a month ago, I gave up (actually more than a month ago). I decided that I was going to be a fat woman. I have tried it all and nothing has worked for an extended period of time. I am just tired of the fight. The up and down battle the binging, the condemnation, the self-hatred, the strongholds that I can't overcome. I am tired of fighting myself. Tired of the strife. I thought that I had it in 2010, but soon realized that I was still in bondage to food, just in a different way. In bondage to counting points and measuring and planning and dieting. IT IS STILL BONDAGE, EITHER WAY! Maybe it is not for me to be free from food. I decided to just stay as I am and ask God to help me be satisfied just as I am and hopefully not get bigger. But God is faithful. That is just how He is. He won't let me give up. He loves me too much.

I am reading the Diet Alternative by Diane Hampton today. Why, I have read it before. It has been sitting on my bookshelf for years. But God knew that I had given up and He asked me to read it today and it has changed my view. It has sparked my desire again to help myself and others be free. It is about becoming free from binge eating, compulsive eating, and overeating. She has been free from compulsive eating for over 30 years. She has been the same size for 30 years. She doesn't have to count calories, or measure food or be in bondage at all to food. It is very eye opening. She did it by sowing to the Spirit. I have never felt free. Never. Even when I finished my race. I wasn't free. I stopped counting points and regained weight because I was under bondage and wanted to stop being a slave to food, so I stopped counting and measuring and because I never attacked the spirit of gluttony (yes, it is a spirit) the weight came back on. Luckily, I got pregnant with Nick, so I could blame my loss of control on my pregnancy.

 For Me....After you have failed and failed and failed and failed and failed and failed at losing weight and keeping it off without bondage, I have begun to lose hope. That is where I have been for the last year. My hope has just diminished. I thought WW was it, but that only makes me think more about food and counting points and measuring. I don't even want to get into the bondage of WW. It is bondage. That is why I dread going and joining. It is bondage. It makes you more obsessed. I decided not to join again. I don't want to be in bondage to food, even if its not carrot cake, but carrot sticks. It is not the answer...God is. I know that. So what is the problem?

Not truly being obedient, holding on to unforgiveness and anger. God has been waking me up at night to tell me this..."If it is not of God it is of the anti-Christ", I was like, "What!, Everything, Do you mean anything?" He never answered me,  he just continued to say, "If it is not of God, it is of the anti-Christ." "What, do you mean everything, anything?" again he said "If it is not of God it is of the anti-Christ (against Christ)". God hates sin. He wants me to not accept sin, no matter what it is or what society begins to say is right, What God says is a sin is a sin, no matter what. It is a sin. God hates sin. He hates it. He does not tolerate sin at all. So I have to hate sin. I can't accept it in any form. God hates it, so as a child of God, I have to hate it too. I can't tolerate it. I can't play with it. I can't laugh and joke with it. Gluttony is a sin. I can't be okay with sinning. I can't keep sin in my life. It is bondage, It brings guilt and condemnation. It is a sin. I can't keep doing this. It has to be out of my life if I am to be productive for God. If I am going to help others be free from it through learning God's love. I have to get it out of my life and not tolerate it in any form.

True sowing to the Spirit is my answer, no matter how many times I mess up. God is faithful and He loves me. My motive has to be to please Him in all that I do. My loving God more than being accepted by others is the answer. My loving God more than being successful.  My loving God more than my past hurts and need to acknowledged by people from the past. I must follow His way.

I ask myself, "Can I be free? Can I really be free? Can God really set me free? Can I allow Him to be everything to me and quit relying on my own strength? Can I really do it?" When circumstances and challenges come in life, can I turn to God and not to food (that is what I did. I turned to food these last two years. When the storm came, my foundation was not on the "rock" of God's truth. I put my trust in food and its ability to get me "high" so that I don't have to face the problems).

God forgive me. I have been so wrong.  Your way is the only way. I have put everything before you. I tried to handle all my problems on my own. Just as I gave little Fred's problem to you and I watched you heal and continue to heal my son from his deficits. I watched your power in his little life. I finally give you  the sin of gluttony. I don't owe anything to food. It is time to let it go for good.  I have not put my trust in you. Please forgive me for my wrong doing. My disobedience, my trying to "do-it-myself, my putting my trust in diet plans and getting all types of "man" knowledge. Thank you for loving me and never giving up on me. Thank you God....for loving me and sending your son to set me Free forever. I receive Your freedom and will prove that  your way is the only way. Selah!