What a busy day! Here it is 1:43am and I just finished stuffing the stockings and I took my dressing out of the oven. I am so excited. My poor kitty cat didn't get much in her stocking this year. Santa brought her a bag of kitty treats and catnip. She will be okay. She is lucky to still be around considering all the allergies we have going on at this house. It is only because of my love for her that she still remains. I am sure "Daddy Fred" wants her outta here. LOL!
We are having a family dinner at our home before we go to Oxford. They have decided yet again to have "party" food for Christmas. Not a real dinner. Chips and dip and meatballs. We didn't want to do that again so we decided to start our own family tradition. We will go down there after we have opened our gifts and eaten dinner.
Fred is excited about the gift that he has gotten for me. I can't wait to know what it is. I purchased the Kindle Fire for him. I hope he likes it. Especially since I bought it from Target. They are not that good about returns.
I am so blessed. I have my very own family. Two boys, A hubby and a super cat. What more can you ask for. I don't need anything else. What a great Christmas! This is the stuff people dream of having and God saw fit for me to have it. Thank you, Lord and Happy Birthday, Jesus. Thank you so much for what you did for a dying world. You came and saved us. Your precious blood redeemed us from the curse of death. Awesome stuff.
Health update:
I am still sore from Wednesdays workout. I didn't do anything today. I did a lot of cleaning, so I am going to count that as burning calories. Merry Christmas! I will write back in a few hours (hopefully before the 26th)
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Day 4
The gym door would not open. So, I went to Wal-Mart for fresh fruit instead. I guess I'll have to do a home workout.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Day 2 and Day 3
Hello World,
Sorry that I didn't get to write yesterday for day 2. Man were we busy at the office. Anyway, I was asked to join the spin class at my gym. Of coarse you know I protested because I am so far out of shape but I went anyway. I made it through 45 minutes. It was great. I was very, very surprised that I still had it in me. It made for an easier day as well. I had more energy...
But today, Day 3, I was feeling it! My legs were like jelly when I woke up this morning and got on the elliptical machine. I felt every muscle in my body. Some I didn't know that I had. This morning, I completed 30 minutes on the elliptical. I came back home early because I felt like I needed to remove the bumpers on Nicholas' crib. I had them there to prevent him from getting his legs caught, but he is rolling from side to side now and I was just thinking all while I was at the gym that I needed to take care of that, so when my 30 minutes were up I headed home. The first thing I did was to remove them.
Still reading Fit for life. I have been reading about natural hygiene and the metabolic cycles of the body. It seems so logical. I have also been reading my scriptures and getting more understanding from the book of Proverbs. What a great week. Just like old times...
Sorry that I didn't get to write yesterday for day 2. Man were we busy at the office. Anyway, I was asked to join the spin class at my gym. Of coarse you know I protested because I am so far out of shape but I went anyway. I made it through 45 minutes. It was great. I was very, very surprised that I still had it in me. It made for an easier day as well. I had more energy...
But today, Day 3, I was feeling it! My legs were like jelly when I woke up this morning and got on the elliptical machine. I felt every muscle in my body. Some I didn't know that I had. This morning, I completed 30 minutes on the elliptical. I came back home early because I felt like I needed to remove the bumpers on Nicholas' crib. I had them there to prevent him from getting his legs caught, but he is rolling from side to side now and I was just thinking all while I was at the gym that I needed to take care of that, so when my 30 minutes were up I headed home. The first thing I did was to remove them.
Still reading Fit for life. I have been reading about natural hygiene and the metabolic cycles of the body. It seems so logical. I have also been reading my scriptures and getting more understanding from the book of Proverbs. What a great week. Just like old times...
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Day 1 on December 20th. Brave Girl
Only five days before Christmas and I decide to take the plunge for preparation for my next run. I have decided to start with a 5k at the beginning of the year. I need to find one in the immediate area, but for now. I just need to start back walking.
This morning, I laced up my shoes and headed to the gym. I completed 30 minutes of walking and 15 minutes on the stationary bike. I read a few scriptures and came back home. I like to start with time. I think that is easier than how many miles at the beginning of my program. Anyway, how do I feel. IT WAS TOUGH! I felt like I was pulling 100 pounds of lead behind me. My back hurt and my legs felt like bricks. I was not flexible at all. Stiff can not even begin to describe my joints. Mentally, I felt great. The shame and fear of starting again left, the walls have started to shake. Down you go walls! Down you Go!
Personal goal: 3 weeks of walking. So, Wednesday January 11th. I hope to start the Couch to 5k program. One day at a time. I'll write later.
This morning, I laced up my shoes and headed to the gym. I completed 30 minutes of walking and 15 minutes on the stationary bike. I read a few scriptures and came back home. I like to start with time. I think that is easier than how many miles at the beginning of my program. Anyway, how do I feel. IT WAS TOUGH! I felt like I was pulling 100 pounds of lead behind me. My back hurt and my legs felt like bricks. I was not flexible at all. Stiff can not even begin to describe my joints. Mentally, I felt great. The shame and fear of starting again left, the walls have started to shake. Down you go walls! Down you Go!
Personal goal: 3 weeks of walking. So, Wednesday January 11th. I hope to start the Couch to 5k program. One day at a time. I'll write later.
Okay....the walls
Okay, I am ready to deal. I had a dear colleague-friend make me get real this week, along with Fred. I don't even think they realized the impact they both had on me this week. She (my colleague-friend) was just sharing a bit but Proverbs 25:11 came to mind as we ended our text conversation: A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. She hit the nail on the head. I knew I was ready to deal with my walls. Got home and was like..."I like my walls...they are great excuses right now." Fred immediately said, "Mia, let God get rid of those strongholds, let them go. You can't do it. Stop being controlling. Let them go."
I am back at square one because of some walls that were never TRULY torn down. I just read a few of my post from over the years. I thank God that I write because I can see where I have made mistakes (not just typos :-)). In December 2011, I can name the walls that I find my comfort. I realize that these walls are all deception and based out of fear, but definitely a way for me to keep going around the same circle thus preventing my progress. I have the safe walls or strongholds that I have allowed Satan to set up in my mind based on what was said or done to me: whether by my own hand or by the words or hands of others. I know that over my years of blogging that I have talked about them.
Here we go.... The first wall and probably the most stable wall is DISOBEDIENCE. I know what I should do, but use every excuse in the book to keep from doing what I know God wants me to do. Obedience is more important to God than sacrifice. He wants me to follow His commands. I know exactly what He wants me to do...slow down, take time to talk to Him by reading and studying His word on a regular basis. The bible tells us in Galatians chapter 5 to Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. There is no way that I can do "this sin" or "that sin" if I am walking in the Spirit. To walk in the Spirit is to study the word, pray, meditate on the word of God, and being holy.
The second wall is shame. From the results of my disobedience comes shame. The embarrassment of what I did not do starts to take over. The shame of being back as square one. The shame of having to do it all again. It's like repeating the third grade in school. Everyone knows where you should be but you didn't do what you needed to do to get to where you should be.
The third wall is blame. This wall is used as an excuse. If I blame then, I will never have to take responsibility for what it is that I need to do. I can say, "I couldn't do this or that because I had to do this or find this or that or I lost my...".
The fourth wall is hiding or running from the truth or self deception. Whatever you want to call not dealing with what is really going on. I want to do everything, but deal with my issue. Later never comes and I hide in later.
I sabotage my own efforts to succeed out of plain old fashion fear of success, the comfort of the familiar and laziness. I use these four walls to go back to the "old me" so that I can do it all again and have the same problem never getting to the next level.
From these four walls are props or planks that hold the walls up to keep them from falling these include: staying too busy to take time for me, lack of forgiveness, disorganization, lack of patience, envy and selfishness.
That wasn't easy. That was not easy. That was difficult to do! But that is my truth for today. That's my truth.
I am back at square one because of some walls that were never TRULY torn down. I just read a few of my post from over the years. I thank God that I write because I can see where I have made mistakes (not just typos :-)). In December 2011, I can name the walls that I find my comfort. I realize that these walls are all deception and based out of fear, but definitely a way for me to keep going around the same circle thus preventing my progress. I have the safe walls or strongholds that I have allowed Satan to set up in my mind based on what was said or done to me: whether by my own hand or by the words or hands of others. I know that over my years of blogging that I have talked about them.
Here we go.... The first wall and probably the most stable wall is DISOBEDIENCE. I know what I should do, but use every excuse in the book to keep from doing what I know God wants me to do. Obedience is more important to God than sacrifice. He wants me to follow His commands. I know exactly what He wants me to do...slow down, take time to talk to Him by reading and studying His word on a regular basis. The bible tells us in Galatians chapter 5 to Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. There is no way that I can do "this sin" or "that sin" if I am walking in the Spirit. To walk in the Spirit is to study the word, pray, meditate on the word of God, and being holy.
The second wall is shame. From the results of my disobedience comes shame. The embarrassment of what I did not do starts to take over. The shame of being back as square one. The shame of having to do it all again. It's like repeating the third grade in school. Everyone knows where you should be but you didn't do what you needed to do to get to where you should be.
The third wall is blame. This wall is used as an excuse. If I blame then, I will never have to take responsibility for what it is that I need to do. I can say, "I couldn't do this or that because I had to do this or find this or that or I lost my...".
The fourth wall is hiding or running from the truth or self deception. Whatever you want to call not dealing with what is really going on. I want to do everything, but deal with my issue. Later never comes and I hide in later.
I sabotage my own efforts to succeed out of plain old fashion fear of success, the comfort of the familiar and laziness. I use these four walls to go back to the "old me" so that I can do it all again and have the same problem never getting to the next level.
From these four walls are props or planks that hold the walls up to keep them from falling these include: staying too busy to take time for me, lack of forgiveness, disorganization, lack of patience, envy and selfishness.
That wasn't easy. That was not easy. That was difficult to do! But that is my truth for today. That's my truth.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Writers Block: A little update!
Hello World,
It has been a while. I have been suffering from writers block for over a month. Well, a lot has occurred. I realized that it is okay for me to give myself a little more time after the baby to get it together. I still need more time and he is 6 months old. I have been too hard on myself. I did not give myself a break. I have been rocking and rolling since May 27th of this year. Even on my six week maternity leave, my mind was racing. Trying to stay "perfect".
I recently realized that I have had a tough year emotionally. The loss of my aunt in the summer of 2010, my uncle and then my grandmother in 2011. Here are some of the big things from 2011: I had to basically start all over with everything after the birth of Nicholas, Lil Fred's language impairment was acknowledged and addressed, and the emotional changes Bug suffered from the realization of Nicholas' permanence in our family, helping Fred as he completes his senior year in school. Just trying to balance it all has been a challenge. But to sum it all up. It has been a great year. I have learned a lot about me and the strength of my immediate and extended family. I learned that there is a lot that I can do, but I also learned that I can't do it all and neither do I want to. I learned the importance of seeing people and empathizing with them but not to the point that I put my own needs aside. I learned the freedom of the word "No". Can I say it again, "No". People want what they want and will put you in a bind to get it, so, I learned this word this year, "No".
Through it all Fred and I have gotten closer to God. We did not leave His side. We learned more about Him and kept as close as we could to Him during these times and He has made a way for us.
Another thing, I wrote out my list of goals for 2012 as I do for every year. My list is so different for 2012. It is not about me. It's about the bigger picture of me. Its about me setting the same goals with a different motive. I also see what really matters...and they are in the pictures on your right and to your left.
Now about my health...
I have learned a lot more about the achievement of optimal health for the body. I am currently reading Fit for life, juicing a little and have taken a great liking to eating more live foods on a daily basis. I am waiting for the perfect day to go and exercise. Can you please tell me when things are going to be perfect enough for me to go? Anyway, that's another situation for another day. Today, I am appreciating what I have done correctly this year. I am finished sabotaging my efforts. I am truly going to stop trying to "fix" things on my own. Only God can help me get to where I need to go. Following Him is the only way to change permanently. I have always tried to do everything in my own strength and I am worn out. God wants me to prosper and be in good health even as my soul prospers. So that means I need to have my soul prosper. I have to let the blood that he shed take care of all of my needs. It's a different me, I surrender all.
It has been a while. I have been suffering from writers block for over a month. Well, a lot has occurred. I realized that it is okay for me to give myself a little more time after the baby to get it together. I still need more time and he is 6 months old. I have been too hard on myself. I did not give myself a break. I have been rocking and rolling since May 27th of this year. Even on my six week maternity leave, my mind was racing. Trying to stay "perfect".
I recently realized that I have had a tough year emotionally. The loss of my aunt in the summer of 2010, my uncle and then my grandmother in 2011. Here are some of the big things from 2011: I had to basically start all over with everything after the birth of Nicholas, Lil Fred's language impairment was acknowledged and addressed, and the emotional changes Bug suffered from the realization of Nicholas' permanence in our family, helping Fred as he completes his senior year in school. Just trying to balance it all has been a challenge. But to sum it all up. It has been a great year. I have learned a lot about me and the strength of my immediate and extended family. I learned that there is a lot that I can do, but I also learned that I can't do it all and neither do I want to. I learned the importance of seeing people and empathizing with them but not to the point that I put my own needs aside. I learned the freedom of the word "No". Can I say it again, "No". People want what they want and will put you in a bind to get it, so, I learned this word this year, "No".
Through it all Fred and I have gotten closer to God. We did not leave His side. We learned more about Him and kept as close as we could to Him during these times and He has made a way for us.
Another thing, I wrote out my list of goals for 2012 as I do for every year. My list is so different for 2012. It is not about me. It's about the bigger picture of me. Its about me setting the same goals with a different motive. I also see what really matters...and they are in the pictures on your right and to your left.
Now about my health...
I have learned a lot more about the achievement of optimal health for the body. I am currently reading Fit for life, juicing a little and have taken a great liking to eating more live foods on a daily basis. I am waiting for the perfect day to go and exercise. Can you please tell me when things are going to be perfect enough for me to go? Anyway, that's another situation for another day. Today, I am appreciating what I have done correctly this year. I am finished sabotaging my efforts. I am truly going to stop trying to "fix" things on my own. Only God can help me get to where I need to go. Following Him is the only way to change permanently. I have always tried to do everything in my own strength and I am worn out. God wants me to prosper and be in good health even as my soul prospers. So that means I need to have my soul prosper. I have to let the blood that he shed take care of all of my needs. It's a different me, I surrender all.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Visit to the (Christian) holistic doctor
Man o' Man have I been changed. My visit to the herbalist/holistic physician was the best visit of my life. He spent 2+ hours with me. He told me from A to Z how to get to optimal health for me and for my family. He gave me a diet plan that is different from anything that I have ever read or seen or thought about. He used bible references to what God desires for our health.
He does what I would like to do. He even told me what school he went to and how he got his board certifications. He told me how difficult it is to be in a field the has alternative views relative to the allopathic physician and the insurance companies' ideals of health. I can't wait till I have developed that kind of knowledge for the preventative side of health that he possesses.
This week, we utilized our juicer. I just let my imagination run wild. I combined veggies and fruits or just fruits and created the most delicious combinations. Fred and lil Fred and even Nicholas have truly enjoyed their natural juices...straight from the source. I have seen a difference in bowel patterns and Bug's ability to sleep in just 2 weeks. I am on my way to vegetarianism. I have increased my veggie intake and fruit intake. I have not really reduced my meat intake, but the sugar intake has been tremendously reduced. It feels good to make real changes.
There is no excuse for my lack of exercise. I just haven't gotten it all back in my head yet. I am looking for the "perfect" situation...still. After so many years, I still seek that perfect day. Anyway, I know things will fall into place. The dust is starting to settle at work and I believe that this will assist me in getting things straight for myself at home.
I can't wait to schedule another visit with the physician. I am going to take a full day off and spend it picking his brain..of course at a price, but at his office, a very reasonable price.
He does what I would like to do. He even told me what school he went to and how he got his board certifications. He told me how difficult it is to be in a field the has alternative views relative to the allopathic physician and the insurance companies' ideals of health. I can't wait till I have developed that kind of knowledge for the preventative side of health that he possesses.
This week, we utilized our juicer. I just let my imagination run wild. I combined veggies and fruits or just fruits and created the most delicious combinations. Fred and lil Fred and even Nicholas have truly enjoyed their natural juices...straight from the source. I have seen a difference in bowel patterns and Bug's ability to sleep in just 2 weeks. I am on my way to vegetarianism. I have increased my veggie intake and fruit intake. I have not really reduced my meat intake, but the sugar intake has been tremendously reduced. It feels good to make real changes.
There is no excuse for my lack of exercise. I just haven't gotten it all back in my head yet. I am looking for the "perfect" situation...still. After so many years, I still seek that perfect day. Anyway, I know things will fall into place. The dust is starting to settle at work and I believe that this will assist me in getting things straight for myself at home.
I can't wait to schedule another visit with the physician. I am going to take a full day off and spend it picking his brain..of course at a price, but at his office, a very reasonable price.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Lifestyle Change: Pescetarian to Vegetarian
I know...you think that I am losing it. But I have decided to change my life all together. As a former food addict (as many on the American diet are), I have decided that fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, beans and lentils..etc are the way to go. I haven't decided to give up meat altogether, I will consume fish..which would make me a Pescetarian (Meditteranean Diet). I have been studying and talking to the Lord. I am ready to take the plunge. Difficult, I know, but totally necessary. I am reading several books and journal articles of the benefits of a healthy life style. I believe that I will be able to achieve a vegetarian lifestyle by the end of 2013. If I get really bold--a vegan lifestyle.
I am on day two of the the Master Cleanse. I decided to give it a try for three days then one day at a time after the three days. The ultimate goals is to complete the fast for 10 days. I just want to start my new life with a clean slate. I have found a naturopath doctor here in the Memphis area and will plan to visit him within the next week or two.
I have been studying health for awhile and when I sum it all up; processed food, sodas, caffeine and other lifeless foods is the reason for our sick and developmentally delayed children, infertility, obesity, diabetes, kidney disease, cancer etc. Not many want to acknowledge that we have control over our health by the way we treat our bodies. Not many want to do what it takes to become healthy. Not many of us want to let go of negative habits. Not many of us want to take responsibility for our own health. We leave it to the M.D. who's major purpose is to treat symptoms and perform surgery and most of all to help to keep the pockets of the pharmaceutical companies fat.
As I read about gaining Godly wisdom and knowledge from Proverbs, I pray for strength as this is new territory. Lots of bumps in the road and "mess ups" but I will be victorious in obtaining optimum divine health through the knowledge of God.
I am on day two of the the Master Cleanse. I decided to give it a try for three days then one day at a time after the three days. The ultimate goals is to complete the fast for 10 days. I just want to start my new life with a clean slate. I have found a naturopath doctor here in the Memphis area and will plan to visit him within the next week or two.
I have been studying health for awhile and when I sum it all up; processed food, sodas, caffeine and other lifeless foods is the reason for our sick and developmentally delayed children, infertility, obesity, diabetes, kidney disease, cancer etc. Not many want to acknowledge that we have control over our health by the way we treat our bodies. Not many want to do what it takes to become healthy. Not many of us want to let go of negative habits. Not many of us want to take responsibility for our own health. We leave it to the M.D. who's major purpose is to treat symptoms and perform surgery and most of all to help to keep the pockets of the pharmaceutical companies fat.
As I read about gaining Godly wisdom and knowledge from Proverbs, I pray for strength as this is new territory. Lots of bumps in the road and "mess ups" but I will be victorious in obtaining optimum divine health through the knowledge of God.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Achilies Tendonitis
Well, Well, Well....my achilies tendon has been bother me for...a year, actually longer than a year. After my last race in 2010, I suffered from severe pain in my tendon, but I was so excited about the pregnancy that I was able to ignore it. With the start of my exercise plan the pain became unbearable today, so I went to Campbell's clinic and was diagnosed with tendonitis. He prescribed physical therapy 3x a week for 4 weeks. I am so glad that I won't have to do surgery.
I will do a better job of stretching before workouts and keep on pushing.....healthy body...here I come.
I will do a better job of stretching before workouts and keep on pushing.....healthy body...here I come.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Work-out #1 Obedience Feels great!
My new motivation is obedience. It should have always been my motivation. I was waiting to feel like exercising and feel like doing the right thing. I am going to work on obedience and not my emotions. Obedience. Anyway...
I got up and could not find my workout shoes, I need some more, but I love these shoes. I have broken them in just right. I looked everywhere, then I said to myself, "they can only be in the closet because I have not been wearing them" I have a tendency to leave my shoes in random places. I found them. Deep, Deep, Deep in the very back of the closet.
I went to the gym this morning. I would rather work-out outside, but it is darker later in the morning now since fall is here. For the most part the same morning crew is there. I spoke to the "usuals" and then I hit the treadmill. My goals was thirty minutes. I turned on the iPod and walked. It felt so good. That was all I did. I left.
So my goals this week:
30 minutes walk Monday-Saturday
30 minutes in God's word. I am going to read Galatians today. I'll let you know what I learned.
I believe I have discovered my own blocks to health. I will share them this afternoon. Stay tuned. I am off to prepare for work.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Three Hundred Sixty Degrees
Hello World,
We have been seeing tremendous progress in him in just the last two months. With the speech therapy, extra attention at home, reduction of background noise and visual distractions along with diet changes, Bug is a new boy. I am going to tell the world what we did and are continuing to do.
1.Read, Read, and Read again!
2. Get a schedule for you and the child (stick to it, build a routine)
3.Every night read Psalm 91, II Timothy 1:7, (Psalm 103-bonus) or whatever scriptures that the Lord leads you to.
4. Listen to God as parents, let him decided and lead you to the right daycare, school and professionals. HE WILL DO IT!!!
5. Develop patience.
6. Love them just the way they are. Don't get caught up in comparing or trying to find label. The need and safety of the label is just a place for you to hang your guilt and shame.
7. Find out what God says about your child. Know that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
8. Realize that it is not about you. Get yourself out of the picture. Stop comparing. Every kid is not going to fit in these boxes that we try to place our kids in.
9. As the people God has placed in charge of this child's life until adulthood, get yourself in line with God. Repent (that means to turn away from sin). It means to ask God for forgiveness. Ask Him to show you how to be the best parent to this child.
Yes, over the last few months, I have been really put to the test and I know we as a family have a long "row to hoe" as they say, but I wouldn't trade what I have been through for absolutely nothing. I have been made into a better mother, therapist, friend and wife in a very short period of time. Thanks to God for getting me through the first stage of this test and back on the right track. A full 360.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
My Only Option
Good Morning World,
I can't sleep. My mind is racing. I have very selfish thoughts. I want to go to my room get under the covers and just stay there for the rest of my life. I don't want to ever come out. I don't want to eat. I want to quit reading. I want to quit calling my friends. I want to quit writing. I want to quit watching t.v. I want to quit bathing (that would be awful). I want to quit hugging. I want to quit thinking. I want to quit working. I want to quit laughing. I want to quit driving. I want to quit giving. I want to quit knowing. I want to quit walking. I want to quit running. I want to quit trying.I want to quit learning. I want to quit loving. I want to quit praying. I want to quit dreaming. I want to quit quitting.
My whole existence is for my son. The whole reason for the fulfillment of my dreams is because of him. The reason for my success is my son. The reason for wanting to be healthy is my son. The reason for Nicholas was to have a playmate and companion for my son...
But I can't quit. I will learn from Bug, my sweet Lil Fred. I go on because he doesn't quit. I watch him work hard everyday. He wants to go to school everyday. He wants to play everyday. He never quits thinking. He never quits reading. He never quits calling his friends. He never quits writing. He never quits watching t.v. He never quits bathing. He never quits hugging. He never quits thinking. He never quits working. He never quits laughing. He never quits riding his bike. He never quits giving. He never quits knowing. He never quits walking. He never quits running. He never quits trying. He never quits learning. He never quits loving. He never quits praying. He never quits dreaming. He never quits....As I learn to put my feelings of grief and anger aside for you Bug. Help me draw from your courage and your tenacity, my sweet boy. Today and everyday, my sweet Bug,I learn from you...never, ever, quit.
My love for Bug will keep me from quitting. Love is so strong. Love is patient. It can wait. It can heal. It is stronger than anything. Stronger than death itself (Solomon 8:6). My only option (as I write this in tears) is to keep going. Its okay to cry, it's okay for plans to change but it's not okay to quit.
God, I learn from how you never quit, because of our disobedience your plans for us had to change from what they were in the beginning. Your son Jesus was dead. Think about that. He was dead. He had every sickness, disease, mental illness and unforgiveness and every addiction and every lie in His body. He carried to the cross. He died. He was dead. A lot of the prophets of many religions died. But my savior was raised from the dead by God who is Love and Jesus lives. He lives in me and my son.
My only option is to never quit. I learn from you God. I learn from you my Lil Fred. Never quit.
I can't sleep. My mind is racing. I have very selfish thoughts. I want to go to my room get under the covers and just stay there for the rest of my life. I don't want to ever come out. I don't want to eat. I want to quit reading. I want to quit calling my friends. I want to quit writing. I want to quit watching t.v. I want to quit bathing (that would be awful). I want to quit hugging. I want to quit thinking. I want to quit working. I want to quit laughing. I want to quit driving. I want to quit giving. I want to quit knowing. I want to quit walking. I want to quit running. I want to quit trying.I want to quit learning. I want to quit loving. I want to quit praying. I want to quit dreaming. I want to quit quitting.
My whole existence is for my son. The whole reason for the fulfillment of my dreams is because of him. The reason for my success is my son. The reason for wanting to be healthy is my son. The reason for Nicholas was to have a playmate and companion for my son...
But I can't quit. I will learn from Bug, my sweet Lil Fred. I go on because he doesn't quit. I watch him work hard everyday. He wants to go to school everyday. He wants to play everyday. He never quits thinking. He never quits reading. He never quits calling his friends. He never quits writing. He never quits watching t.v. He never quits bathing. He never quits hugging. He never quits thinking. He never quits working. He never quits laughing. He never quits riding his bike. He never quits giving. He never quits knowing. He never quits walking. He never quits running. He never quits trying. He never quits learning. He never quits loving. He never quits praying. He never quits dreaming. He never quits....As I learn to put my feelings of grief and anger aside for you Bug. Help me draw from your courage and your tenacity, my sweet boy. Today and everyday, my sweet Bug,I learn from you...never, ever, quit.
My love for Bug will keep me from quitting. Love is so strong. Love is patient. It can wait. It can heal. It is stronger than anything. Stronger than death itself (Solomon 8:6). My only option (as I write this in tears) is to keep going. Its okay to cry, it's okay for plans to change but it's not okay to quit.
God, I learn from how you never quit, because of our disobedience your plans for us had to change from what they were in the beginning. Your son Jesus was dead. Think about that. He was dead. He had every sickness, disease, mental illness and unforgiveness and every addiction and every lie in His body. He carried to the cross. He died. He was dead. A lot of the prophets of many religions died. But my savior was raised from the dead by God who is Love and Jesus lives. He lives in me and my son.
My only option is to never quit. I learn from you God. I learn from you my Lil Fred. Never quit.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
The Visit
This has been a very tough week. As I screened each child, I realized how delayed my Bug is. My son has not been the same since his sickness last year. I don't know if that was the actual cause or if it just help him over the edge, but he lost a lot of skills after that month of sickness...THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER. MIA....THE PAST IS OVER.
The visit to the developmental pediatrician was inconclusive. The doctor performed her background information questionnaire. She asked for us to tell our story of Bug (I finally listened to the story as I told it).She performed a screening that was obviously below his level (STAT) but still enough for me to see that he,....Oh my God is on the Spectrum. My son, my precious Bug is on the Autism Spectrum. The pediatrician is referring us to an Audiologist, Educational Psychologist, Allergist, and a Neurologist. She did not want to tell me, but I told her that if I didn't see it before I definitely see it today, "He is definitely on the Spectrum". She responded with, "There are some characteristics, especially the fact that you said he had skills and then lost them". She recommended that I start behavioral interventions such as ST, OT & PT. It was as if I left my body in the chair and I floated off. I couldn't feel anything. I had to keep asking her to repeat what she had said. Fred had a look...not of surprise...but just a look of victory. I will draw from his strength. I was shocked, but not shocked. I knew it, but didn't know it all at the same time. I was a professional that knew it all and I was an idiot at the same time. Nothing she (pediatrician)told me that I haven't said to many parents that I serve. I can't believe she is having to say these thing to me. There is definitely "something" she said. I knew what that "something" was. I have seen it a hundred thousand, gazillion times. I just didn't want to see it in my baby. Not my Bug. From Last year to this, I asked Bug's teachers, my friends, & my relatives..."Do you think something is a little different about Bug?" No they would say, you're just being a speech therapist, you are putting too much pressure on him. Because I wanted to be in denial, I took those answers from people who don't know a hill of beans about Autism. I took their answers as to why my son was "different".
Yesterday, was my day of initial shock. The tears, the pain, the anger....Today, I officially join the fight with millions of other professionals and now as a parents to understand, advocate and eliminate Autism Spectrum Disorders. Please bear with me. I don't know how long my state of shock will last. Just ride the emotional roller coaster with me. Thanks for listening world. I'll write more later.
The visit to the developmental pediatrician was inconclusive. The doctor performed her background information questionnaire. She asked for us to tell our story of Bug (I finally listened to the story as I told it).She performed a screening that was obviously below his level (STAT) but still enough for me to see that he,....Oh my God is on the Spectrum. My son, my precious Bug is on the Autism Spectrum. The pediatrician is referring us to an Audiologist, Educational Psychologist, Allergist, and a Neurologist. She did not want to tell me, but I told her that if I didn't see it before I definitely see it today, "He is definitely on the Spectrum". She responded with, "There are some characteristics, especially the fact that you said he had skills and then lost them". She recommended that I start behavioral interventions such as ST, OT & PT. It was as if I left my body in the chair and I floated off. I couldn't feel anything. I had to keep asking her to repeat what she had said. Fred had a look...not of surprise...but just a look of victory. I will draw from his strength. I was shocked, but not shocked. I knew it, but didn't know it all at the same time. I was a professional that knew it all and I was an idiot at the same time. Nothing she (pediatrician)told me that I haven't said to many parents that I serve. I can't believe she is having to say these thing to me. There is definitely "something" she said. I knew what that "something" was. I have seen it a hundred thousand, gazillion times. I just didn't want to see it in my baby. Not my Bug. From Last year to this, I asked Bug's teachers, my friends, & my relatives..."Do you think something is a little different about Bug?" No they would say, you're just being a speech therapist, you are putting too much pressure on him. Because I wanted to be in denial, I took those answers from people who don't know a hill of beans about Autism. I took their answers as to why my son was "different".
Yesterday, was my day of initial shock. The tears, the pain, the anger....Today, I officially join the fight with millions of other professionals and now as a parents to understand, advocate and eliminate Autism Spectrum Disorders. Please bear with me. I don't know how long my state of shock will last. Just ride the emotional roller coaster with me. Thanks for listening world. I'll write more later.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Fasting and Bug's Appointment and Business
I fasted on Monday. Not only to get the "sugar" monkey off my back, but to focus on listening to the Lord and not my cravings. I asked Him for wisdom as it relates to Lil Fred and me as a wife and mother and business owner. It was for His guidance as to what my next step should be. I am also praying for his strength as we prepare to go to the developmental pediatrician on Friday. We (Fred and I) are headed there to get a clear picture of what may be going on with Lil Fred. We want to ask for referrals to neurologist, allergists and an audiologist or ENT to rule out all possibilities. We want to get this picture of Bug so that we can create an action plan for his education. I am not so impressed with this new education thing RTI (response to intervention). I feel its a load of crap and a way for the "system" to save money on the special education needs of students and just another way to stress the regular educator out. Anyway, that's Mia's opinion and I may be wrong. I probably am wrong, but the older I get the more I realize that MOST everything goes back to making and saving money-even when it comes to systems in place for our children.
We are working to make it possible for Bug to not need any interventions by the time he enrolls in kindergarten.
I have decided to postpone my completion of the nutrition courses for the additional certification. I want to focus on getting Bug together. Please know that I am continuing my research and readings on nutrition and the benefits of it. I have two years to complete the self-pace courses. After the two years, I can still request an extension up to six months.
Business is building back up after the pregnancy and the baby. I have a great team this year. We look forward to helping many families. My team members are so enthusiastic and hard working. They love what they do! My favorite people to work with.
Health wise:
I am back to the contemplation stage on my journey to health. I am thinking about trying to get back on the horse. I got on it, but now I am just sitting on it. We aren't really moving. How do I base my health on necessity and not on emotion?
We are working to make it possible for Bug to not need any interventions by the time he enrolls in kindergarten.
I have decided to postpone my completion of the nutrition courses for the additional certification. I want to focus on getting Bug together. Please know that I am continuing my research and readings on nutrition and the benefits of it. I have two years to complete the self-pace courses. After the two years, I can still request an extension up to six months.
Business is building back up after the pregnancy and the baby. I have a great team this year. We look forward to helping many families. My team members are so enthusiastic and hard working. They love what they do! My favorite people to work with.
Health wise:
I am back to the contemplation stage on my journey to health. I am thinking about trying to get back on the horse. I got on it, but now I am just sitting on it. We aren't really moving. How do I base my health on necessity and not on emotion?
Friday, September 9, 2011
Post-Post Partum; Bug's birthday
Well, this week has been a little tough. I attempted the couch to 5k. My heel is so fatigued after 5 minutes of exercise. I don't know what it is. I asked a physical therapist colleague to look at it. She believes that it is just weak after injuring it in that race and the baby and the weight gain have all affected the strength of this tendon. I was thinking that I might need surgery but she said that after a year, scar tissue is there (if there were micro-tears). She didn't believe that I had torn anything based on her knowledge. I was glad to hear that, but it makes me sad that I am going to have to start "before scratch" as my sister says. I am so sad about that.
I've been a little emotional this week. It may be a case of postpartum. Isn't it too late after the baby to realize that I have it. I didn't really experience it much with Bug. I think for about a day or two after he was born, I had a breakdown, but I think that was from being a new mom. Hopefully, I can shake it off soon and get back to being myself. It may be my need for perfection. You know how I am. If things aren't A-B-C in exact order, I lose it. So, I am just going to ATTEMPT to chill out.
Lil Fred is doing so much better. The combination of speech therapy and just plain old fashion growing up has made a tremendous difference. He keeps talking about his birthday and what he wants for his birthday party. "Cars 2 birthday party, Mama!" I will definitely make it happen. He wants it at Chuck-e-cheeses. I'd rather not do it there, but he loves the place. So this weekend, I will call or go up there to set things up for Bug's 4th Birthday. Can you believe my baby is 4. Tears....time flies.
I've been a little emotional this week. It may be a case of postpartum. Isn't it too late after the baby to realize that I have it. I didn't really experience it much with Bug. I think for about a day or two after he was born, I had a breakdown, but I think that was from being a new mom. Hopefully, I can shake it off soon and get back to being myself. It may be my need for perfection. You know how I am. If things aren't A-B-C in exact order, I lose it. So, I am just going to ATTEMPT to chill out.
Lil Fred is doing so much better. The combination of speech therapy and just plain old fashion growing up has made a tremendous difference. He keeps talking about his birthday and what he wants for his birthday party. "Cars 2 birthday party, Mama!" I will definitely make it happen. He wants it at Chuck-e-cheeses. I'd rather not do it there, but he loves the place. So this weekend, I will call or go up there to set things up for Bug's 4th Birthday. Can you believe my baby is 4. Tears....time flies.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Baby Nick is three months old!
Nicholas turned three months old yesterday. My how fast time flies. It seems like just yesterday he was a newborn. Now his is in the infant category. I wanted to take three month old pictures but this weekend is just not a good weekend. I don't have anything for him to wear. I will shot for next weekend.
Well Mia is getting it together after the baby. My house is finally in order, well at least today, my whole house is clean. I finished in time enough yesterday to head to the sale at Dillard's where I literally lost my mind. Do you know how long it has been since I purchased something for Me. I don't mean for me for the business or for me related to my children, but for Me...Mia. I am still mentally blocked from buying myself clothes. I know it is crazy, but I can't buy clothes because I don't want to buy this size, I will get over it soon. Anyway, I bought a purse. I have always loved bags. The bags were an additional 40% off the lowest ticket price. So I am getting a designer purse for $25. I also bought Fred a lot of clothes for work from the men's department, then I went home.
My brother came to pick-up Bug. He hung out with his cousins and his favorite uncle. Fred stayed at home with Nicholas while Bug and I were gone. It made for a great Saturday.
Today, I'll head to whole foods to get grocery for the week and then I will do a little reading and planning for next week. I have a busy week ahead. I am going to start the Couch to 5k this week and my 21 day sugar fast. My nursing has prevented me from getting started, but I have reduced Nicholas' nursing times to nights only. So in a few weeks, he will be a totally formula fed baby. Terrible, I know. But the decision has been made. Anyway..don't judge me, I am still breastfeeding at night. Give me some credit.
Today, I am going to Target (my favorite store) and purchase some cleaning supplies and some more work out pants for next week's running challenge and some oreos before the fast :-). My plan is to be ready for the Germantown Half, since I won't be able to do St. Jude. It's on!!!
Well Mia is getting it together after the baby. My house is finally in order, well at least today, my whole house is clean. I finished in time enough yesterday to head to the sale at Dillard's where I literally lost my mind. Do you know how long it has been since I purchased something for Me. I don't mean for me for the business or for me related to my children, but for Me...Mia. I am still mentally blocked from buying myself clothes. I know it is crazy, but I can't buy clothes because I don't want to buy this size, I will get over it soon. Anyway, I bought a purse. I have always loved bags. The bags were an additional 40% off the lowest ticket price. So I am getting a designer purse for $25. I also bought Fred a lot of clothes for work from the men's department, then I went home.
My brother came to pick-up Bug. He hung out with his cousins and his favorite uncle. Fred stayed at home with Nicholas while Bug and I were gone. It made for a great Saturday.
Today, I'll head to whole foods to get grocery for the week and then I will do a little reading and planning for next week. I have a busy week ahead. I am going to start the Couch to 5k this week and my 21 day sugar fast. My nursing has prevented me from getting started, but I have reduced Nicholas' nursing times to nights only. So in a few weeks, he will be a totally formula fed baby. Terrible, I know. But the decision has been made. Anyway..don't judge me, I am still breastfeeding at night. Give me some credit.
Today, I am going to Target (my favorite store) and purchase some cleaning supplies and some more work out pants for next week's running challenge and some oreos before the fast :-). My plan is to be ready for the Germantown Half, since I won't be able to do St. Jude. It's on!!!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
A Sunday at Lebonheur
We spent the day at Lebonheur. Fred woke up this morning with stomach pains and we headed to the hospital. We didn't want another experience like we had last year. We got there, and the physician's listened to our concerns and gave bug a Popsicle. Another $250.00 Popsicle. Yep, he is just a little constipated.
I told the physician about our concerns with Bug's language. He gave us an incredible plan for the next couple of months to rule things out. He noticed that we are really worried and desperate to see what is really going on. I just hope that I can bare the answer.
His Struggle
I completed a sample of my son's language. I'm going to analyse it when I get to work on Monday. But I am almost afraid to. It is really terrible. His mind is racing at all times. He don't take a break. None stop. Here is an example:
Bug: Mama, what eat you want?
Me: What eat you want?
Bug: Goldfish, mama
Even when I repeated what he said to me, there was not attempt to self correct. I continued to record his utterances and most of them were backwards like that. He has sensory issues and will not take risks like normal boys. He just runs, but he is afraid to jump or do daring things. I don't know what happened to him. His language was on track until about a year ago. I truly believe that that 3 1/2 week sickness may have set him back some how. We did all we knew to do. He went to Lebonheur 3 times and to his doctor's office. I am going to make a neurological appointment on Monday. We have got to get to the bottom of this.
My husband and I are losing sleep trying to see what went wrong. I have been formally and informally evaluating Bug since the day he was born and I believe that I am correct in saying that I started to notice a difference a few months after his sickness and I tested him in January 2011 and had below average results.
We took him to the local school system for an evaluation, but his scores were not low enough to qualify for services. So there is nothing wrong with his intelligence or cognitive abilities, but as a SLP, I know that language difficulties are sometimes just the tip of the neurological iceberg.
Bug: Mama, what eat you want?
Me: What eat you want?
Bug: Goldfish, mama
Even when I repeated what he said to me, there was not attempt to self correct. I continued to record his utterances and most of them were backwards like that. He has sensory issues and will not take risks like normal boys. He just runs, but he is afraid to jump or do daring things. I don't know what happened to him. His language was on track until about a year ago. I truly believe that that 3 1/2 week sickness may have set him back some how. We did all we knew to do. He went to Lebonheur 3 times and to his doctor's office. I am going to make a neurological appointment on Monday. We have got to get to the bottom of this.
My husband and I are losing sleep trying to see what went wrong. I have been formally and informally evaluating Bug since the day he was born and I believe that I am correct in saying that I started to notice a difference a few months after his sickness and I tested him in January 2011 and had below average results.
We took him to the local school system for an evaluation, but his scores were not low enough to qualify for services. So there is nothing wrong with his intelligence or cognitive abilities, but as a SLP, I know that language difficulties are sometimes just the tip of the neurological iceberg.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Insecure, where have you been? Not so good to see you.
I worked with an old acquaintance today. Just for a few hours for a little pick up work. There was a little tension there because I'd previously asked her to do something for me, but she didn't do it for me she did it for someone else. I think she felt a little guilty about that. I guess we both were. She was so busy trying to explain and I was busy trying to show her how "incredible" I am. It was a mess. It don't take long to put your foot in your mouth, especially when insecurity shows up.
So she was asking some basic questions after ignoring me for an hour. She asked to see pictures of my baby, my husband and asked about the business. When she asked me if I were still running. My heart went to the bottom of my feet and my stomach started to knot up. So immediately, I started to ramble. Well, I...I...I.. It was so pityful. I was trying to prove myself worthy, I still don't like this overweight girl. I thought I was over this. I don't give her time and I don't have much patience for her. For Christ sakes, she just had a baby :-( Tough afternoon.
So she was asking some basic questions after ignoring me for an hour. She asked to see pictures of my baby, my husband and asked about the business. When she asked me if I were still running. My heart went to the bottom of my feet and my stomach started to knot up. So immediately, I started to ramble. Well, I...I...I.. It was so pityful. I was trying to prove myself worthy, I still don't like this overweight girl. I thought I was over this. I don't give her time and I don't have much patience for her. For Christ sakes, she just had a baby :-( Tough afternoon.
Starting Class
Monday, I will begin completing my classes toward my Health and Wellness degree. Yeah, even though I am thirty pounds overweight. Yeah!!! LOL!. I am excited about learning about food and nutrition and how food can help prevent disabilities. Maybe, I will become a nutritionist or a chemist. I don't know, but the possibilities are endless.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Update: Prayer Life
Update:
We have gone organic! The whole family. We are doing this for Bug and for the family as a whole. We started last week and we are continuing this week. We have reduced our meat consumption to only fish (salmon, tilapia, tuna) and occasional poultry. We are buying products from Whole Foods and Fresh Market. We have decided to shop at the farmer's market downtown Memphis on Saturdays. Two weeks into this and I feel great. I have lost 6 pounds. I believe Fred has lost 10 plus. Bug has improved his sleeping a little, but it is too early to tell if our changes have positively affected his brain function yet.
We have gone organic! The whole family. We are doing this for Bug and for the family as a whole. We started last week and we are continuing this week. We have reduced our meat consumption to only fish (salmon, tilapia, tuna) and occasional poultry. We are buying products from Whole Foods and Fresh Market. We have decided to shop at the farmer's market downtown Memphis on Saturdays. Two weeks into this and I feel great. I have lost 6 pounds. I believe Fred has lost 10 plus. Bug has improved his sleeping a little, but it is too early to tell if our changes have positively affected his brain function yet.
My article was approved by the local publication and will be in next month's issue. I am so excited. Maybe I will become a writer. Who knows??? Business is picking up slowly, school is just beginning so people will get back into the "school" and "learning mode" soon.
As far as working out. Well, I haven't been as hard at it as I was last week. I didn't work out yesterday or today. I have just been tired. Oh!!! Worst of all!!!! World!! I have supplemented my breast feedings with formula feedings for Nicholas. I am guilty about that, but once I went back to work pumping while I was away from Nick was not only painful, but stressful. I couldn't do it anymore. So I only nurse in the evenings and at night. Soon, I guess my milk supply will dry up. I am okay with that. He will be just fine.
Frederick is so close to graduating. Yesterday, he met with his advisor to select his classes. He is only taking two classes at a time. I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard and in May 2012, he will be a college graduate.
Next topic:
I have been learning a lot about prayer. Not about the formal stuff, but just talking to God throughout the day. Like He is my friend. Like He is right there in the car with me or at work with me. It is feels strange. I am working on knowing His presence, developing a true friendship and learning about his personality through reading His Word. I've learned the true meaning of forgiveness and the freedom of it. God is awesome and so is growing in Him.....Awesome! Off to read Hebrews. Night-Night!
Next topic:
I have been learning a lot about prayer. Not about the formal stuff, but just talking to God throughout the day. Like He is my friend. Like He is right there in the car with me or at work with me. It is feels strange. I am working on knowing His presence, developing a true friendship and learning about his personality through reading His Word. I've learned the true meaning of forgiveness and the freedom of it. God is awesome and so is growing in Him.....Awesome! Off to read Hebrews. Night-Night!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Running Again; The comfort of Denial
I have been running. I am only at about 1/2 a mile, but I am running. I am surprisingly in good shape to have so much "baby'" weight. Yes, I can still blame my weight gain on the baby. I'd better hurry up and get this weight off before too long 'cause once Nicholas starts getting close to a year old; "baby" weight as an excuse isn't going to fly. I have been reading the book of Hebrews. It is about doing what you know you should do as a believer. It is also about knowing what God has done for us through Jesus. What a great message!
Anyway, I have been having lots of emotions since my last post. It like a roller coaster ride. One minute I am okay and I know that Fred will be okay and that he will catch up to the level of his peers. Then, I go into this sad mode in which I realize how he can't tell me what he did at school and how he seems so "weird", and how other kids laugh at him. He has very immature language skills. I don't want to diagnosis him before his comprehensive evaluation, but I feel it may be a little more than just a "language" impairment. At this point, his language, social, emotional and physical skills should not be questionable. We are past the "give him more time" phase that my denial has placed me in. OH HOW SWEET DENIAL IS! It is so safe and comfy. I don't have to face anything when I am in denial. I love my child (children) so much that all I see or want to see is perfection. And language impaired or ????; perfect is what Lil Fred is.
Anyway, I have been having lots of emotions since my last post. It like a roller coaster ride. One minute I am okay and I know that Fred will be okay and that he will catch up to the level of his peers. Then, I go into this sad mode in which I realize how he can't tell me what he did at school and how he seems so "weird", and how other kids laugh at him. He has very immature language skills. I don't want to diagnosis him before his comprehensive evaluation, but I feel it may be a little more than just a "language" impairment. At this point, his language, social, emotional and physical skills should not be questionable. We are past the "give him more time" phase that my denial has placed me in. OH HOW SWEET DENIAL IS! It is so safe and comfy. I don't have to face anything when I am in denial. I love my child (children) so much that all I see or want to see is perfection. And language impaired or ????; perfect is what Lil Fred is.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Back on Track 2011
Mia's Track:
Wow! I feel like the old "new" Mia again. I have completed 4 "Good" Days of eating right and working out. My whole outlook has changed. The baby is sleeping through the night and now I can hit the gym in the morning. That didn't take long at all. I thought that it would take more time to be able to go to the gym at 4:30am, but no problem. Fred is so supportive. He comes and gets Nicholas when I am ready to hit the treadmill.
Anyway, I know that I am an overachiever and worse than that my patience is thinner than thread, so with that said, I am ready to start running after only 4 days. I started interval training today with my jog. 2 min jog;1min walking for 15 minutes, then I completed 30 minute on the EFX machine and 30 minutes of total body strength training (arms, abs, legs, butt, shoulders, back). It feels so good to be able to workout.
The scripture readings and inspirational music is such a great time for "Me". I love my "Me" time. All of you out there that have plenty of "Me" time, please, please take advantage of it. It is hard to come by when you have kids.
Bug's Track:
Bug was evaluated by a wonderful speech therapist in Memphis yesterday. I am so pleased with the choice I made. My friend asked why didn't I go through the schools, "it's free",she said. (she is a school SLP), but as a private practitioner, I know how much my clients mean to me and I feel that a private practitioner would be more willing to give 110% to my child than one in the schools that has tons of kids to treat. Plus...I have finally learned that you get what you pay for. His scores on the PLS5 (preschool language scale for all the non speechies. This test looks as how well a child uses and understands the rules of communication). His scores fell within the mild impairment range, but it was just enough to create a delay of about 12 months as compared to children his same age. He needs assistance with writing as well, but I don't know any private occupational therapist and my OT friend told me to make sure that the OT has a certain certification, so I'll have to shop around. Hopefully, by the beginning of next summer he will have out grown some of these mild delays.
Anyway, like I didn't have enough on my plate, we start therapy 2x a week. He is such a good boy and a hard worker. I believe that he will do great and make incredible gains. It was funny. The SLP that evaluated my son said, "I know you from somewhere, I know your name." I was tempted to not tell her what profession I was in or that I was in private practice less than an hour away, but once she started trying to figure out who I was, I knew that I would have to come clean. I told her and she began to say, "well, you already know what to do." That is true, but we all know that it is not easy to be objective with your child. I told her to treat me and my child as if we know nothing about therapy and give him whatever you would a child that was not that of an SLP. I told her that I am not here to be nosy or to compete. I just want my child get on track. She was happy to work with us. I am very optimistic. What a great feeling! Hope!
Our Tracks:
Well two tracks to healthy lives have begun. One for mommy, and one for Buggie. Well, mommy's just has a few bumps in the road, but the track never stopped. Bug's is just beginning and I look forward to the progress we both will make. I will write again soon.....Gotta' get on track.. Chugga-Chugga-Choo-Choo.
Wow! I feel like the old "new" Mia again. I have completed 4 "Good" Days of eating right and working out. My whole outlook has changed. The baby is sleeping through the night and now I can hit the gym in the morning. That didn't take long at all. I thought that it would take more time to be able to go to the gym at 4:30am, but no problem. Fred is so supportive. He comes and gets Nicholas when I am ready to hit the treadmill.
Anyway, I know that I am an overachiever and worse than that my patience is thinner than thread, so with that said, I am ready to start running after only 4 days. I started interval training today with my jog. 2 min jog;1min walking for 15 minutes, then I completed 30 minute on the EFX machine and 30 minutes of total body strength training (arms, abs, legs, butt, shoulders, back). It feels so good to be able to workout.
The scripture readings and inspirational music is such a great time for "Me". I love my "Me" time. All of you out there that have plenty of "Me" time, please, please take advantage of it. It is hard to come by when you have kids.
Bug's Track:
Bug was evaluated by a wonderful speech therapist in Memphis yesterday. I am so pleased with the choice I made. My friend asked why didn't I go through the schools, "it's free",she said. (she is a school SLP), but as a private practitioner, I know how much my clients mean to me and I feel that a private practitioner would be more willing to give 110% to my child than one in the schools that has tons of kids to treat. Plus...I have finally learned that you get what you pay for. His scores on the PLS5 (preschool language scale for all the non speechies. This test looks as how well a child uses and understands the rules of communication). His scores fell within the mild impairment range, but it was just enough to create a delay of about 12 months as compared to children his same age. He needs assistance with writing as well, but I don't know any private occupational therapist and my OT friend told me to make sure that the OT has a certain certification, so I'll have to shop around. Hopefully, by the beginning of next summer he will have out grown some of these mild delays.
Anyway, like I didn't have enough on my plate, we start therapy 2x a week. He is such a good boy and a hard worker. I believe that he will do great and make incredible gains. It was funny. The SLP that evaluated my son said, "I know you from somewhere, I know your name." I was tempted to not tell her what profession I was in or that I was in private practice less than an hour away, but once she started trying to figure out who I was, I knew that I would have to come clean. I told her and she began to say, "well, you already know what to do." That is true, but we all know that it is not easy to be objective with your child. I told her to treat me and my child as if we know nothing about therapy and give him whatever you would a child that was not that of an SLP. I told her that I am not here to be nosy or to compete. I just want my child get on track. She was happy to work with us. I am very optimistic. What a great feeling! Hope!
Our Tracks:
Well two tracks to healthy lives have begun. One for mommy, and one for Buggie. Well, mommy's just has a few bumps in the road, but the track never stopped. Bug's is just beginning and I look forward to the progress we both will make. I will write again soon.....Gotta' get on track.. Chugga-Chugga-Choo-Choo.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
A Bump in the Road to Fitness
I got up this morning around 4:30am. Nic was nursing as is our routine. Once his tummy was full he began to goo and coo. I decided to go to the gym. Today marks two months for Nicholas and I feel that this is a great time to really get back into the swing of things. I purchased new workout clothes yesterday so I am ready. I took Nic into the room with his dad and got dressed. I had my ipod and my energy. I pulled up to the gym and everything looked different. VERY NICE. They have made lots of upgrades. Well, I pulled on the door and could not get in! What! I stood there and saw the faces of people that have known me for years. They watched me stand there. Finally, after about 10 minutes, a fitness instructor came to the door and asked what I needed. I told her who I was and that I was a member of the gym. She informs me that I have to have a card to get in. I asked if she could just look my name up in the computer. She said that no staff would be in until 8 am. (it's 5am) "Just come back at 8". I began to get a little hot and I said "what the hell!, I am here now because at 8am, I have other things to do!" I gathered myself and calmed down. I can't let you in she said. I will get in trouble. I said okay, if that's the way it is...then that's the way it is. I thought to myself, no one better never ever need to get in, cause I ain't lettin' NOBODY in...ever. I don't care if the owner of the gym leaves his card and I just finished having dinner at his house with his family and we converse on the phone everyday...I still "ain't lettin' NOBODY in....ever.
Its kind of funny how you get bumps in the road. Believe it or not I was not REALLY upset this morning, I didn't let the matter get to me. I just got in my truck and headed back home to play with Nicholas. I will get a card today and try again in the morning, But the fact remains...I still ain't lettin' NOBODY in the gym that doesn't have a card. NOBODY :-)
Goodbye Grandma
This past weekend the Cole family said goodbye to Mary Alice Bradford Cole and her brother William Bradford. They died with in three days of each other, Grandma 7/16/2011 and Uncle William 7/19/2011 We had a double funeral since they were siblings and the same family members would be attending. It was a sad day. She died suddenly. There was no prolonged sickness. She was just ready to be with the Lord. Her brother William had been sick for some time. The service was a great celebration of the lives of Grandma and her brother. Members of the Mississippi Mass Choir attended to sing. It was beautiful.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Schedule Some "Me Time"
Man, I think it may be a little harder this time to get on schedule. I thought all I had to do was to put in a little effort. This takes more than effort. It takes the hand of God. Minimal sleep= too tired to attempt anything. My schedule is totally off. I've been having moments of pure panic. I feel my chest getting hot and my airway getting tight. This happens several times a day. To handle this, I stop, take a few deep breaths and I seem to calm down. I know that when I get back into my true workout routine, these panic attacks will be a distant memory.
These first two months with Nicholas added to our family have been fun; tiresome, but fun. He is such a smart boy. He is so alert, attentive and very vocal. Bug has adjusted well also. Bug plays well with Nic and makes him laugh. What a bond!
Okay, lets talk about me and the battle of the bulge. I am getting some of my old feelings back. I feel overwhelmed by all of the baby weight. I almost feel as if I can't do it. Getting on a schedule with a newborn and a three year old is no easy chore. It is so hard to put myself first. I think to myself, "the baby is going to get hungry while I am at the gym." I know that this is just a trick of my mind to get me off my "A game" but with this sleep deprivation....Mind 1....Mia 0. No matter what, I am up for the challange. I still ache to run. I still ache to fast regularly. I ache for "Me time".
These first two months with Nicholas added to our family have been fun; tiresome, but fun. He is such a smart boy. He is so alert, attentive and very vocal. Bug has adjusted well also. Bug plays well with Nic and makes him laugh. What a bond!
Okay, lets talk about me and the battle of the bulge. I am getting some of my old feelings back. I feel overwhelmed by all of the baby weight. I almost feel as if I can't do it. Getting on a schedule with a newborn and a three year old is no easy chore. It is so hard to put myself first. I think to myself, "the baby is going to get hungry while I am at the gym." I know that this is just a trick of my mind to get me off my "A game" but with this sleep deprivation....Mind 1....Mia 0. No matter what, I am up for the challange. I still ache to run. I still ache to fast regularly. I ache for "Me time".
Friday, June 24, 2011
Slowly starting slowly and even slower
Slowly starting slowly to get back into my health kick. This week, I called a friend and ex co-worker who recently had a baby. She informed me of her postponement of exercising until after her 6 weeks of maternity leave. I may follow her lead. This week I added lots of great springtime and summertime fruit to my diet. I didn't exercise like I planned because my pelvis bone still hurts especially at night and maybe I am still a little "pregnant lazy" and don't want to do it. Not sure which one is my excuse this week. Anyway, I am working on getting my "mind right". Its funny how you think you have it all planned out and your mind and body are just not on the same page. Me, being the overachiever that I am (as my Nashville friends informed me of this week )wants my body to get on the same page as my conscious mind.
Nicholas is 4 weeks old today. He has shown his increasing alertness by smiling more, attempting to reach and even vocalizing. He is the smartest baby in the world (says his mommy, I think she may be bias). Bug is going to see the Cars 2 movie this afternoon with "Daddy Fred". I would love to go with them, if for nothing but to see the look on Buggie's face when the movie starts. He loves lightning McQueen and the whole Cars cast. This is great for Daddy Fred and Buggie to get some father-son time. With Nicholas getting a lot of the attention around here lately, it will be good for Buggie, a time to feel special.
Oh, I have been working on getting more tech savvy. I have always considered technology as something extra, not my life. I am going to keep this philosophy, but I am going to use technology more in my life. Fred is already way ahead of me. He knows how to do everything tech related.
Well, I had better grab my shower while Nicholas is sleeping. I will write later.
Friday, June 17, 2011
3 weeks with Nicholas; slow start
Boy, Nicholas is growing fast. He has been in the world 3 weeks already. Can you believe it? He loves to smile. As soon as you talk to him, he stares at you deeply; then he smiles the biggest smile ever. The more time I spend with him, the more time I want to spend with him.
How precious :-)
This week has been a little tough. I have not had my mind on exercising, hopefully, next week will be better. I know that it will take a while to get adjusted. My sleep schedule is off track and Nicholas isn't on a schedule so it may take a while to get my routine together. I will have patience with myself. I have plenty of time to get back into shape.
I have been searching the Internet and looking in my nursing books to see how much exercise I can do without drying my milk supply. Most of the literate state that I should only participate in mild to moderate forms of exercise. Too much may compromise my milk supply. That may mean postponing St. Jude this year. I want to nurse for at least 9 months and Nicholas will only be 7 months this December. I am okay with that.
How precious :-)
This week has been a little tough. I have not had my mind on exercising, hopefully, next week will be better. I know that it will take a while to get adjusted. My sleep schedule is off track and Nicholas isn't on a schedule so it may take a while to get my routine together. I will have patience with myself. I have plenty of time to get back into shape.
I have been searching the Internet and looking in my nursing books to see how much exercise I can do without drying my milk supply. Most of the literate state that I should only participate in mild to moderate forms of exercise. Too much may compromise my milk supply. That may mean postponing St. Jude this year. I want to nurse for at least 9 months and Nicholas will only be 7 months this December. I am okay with that.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Finding Motivation!
Today, I went through my closet. I wanted to get an inventory of what I can possibly wear now. I am so between sizes. All of my maternity clothes are now too big, but the clothes before are way too small. I have been trying to get more motivated to reach my goals.
So, I put my favorite "goal size" jeans on the hook in my bathroom. I will see these jeans everyday. Motivation! Motivation! Motivation!
So, I put my favorite "goal size" jeans on the hook in my bathroom. I will see these jeans everyday. Motivation! Motivation! Motivation!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Nicholas' First Doctor's visit
Yesterday, I got a chance to get out of the house after being locked in for two weeks. I went to the Memphis Children's Clinic-Southaven for Nicholas' well baby check up. He is growing just fine and the doctor stated that he was a healthy baby and that everything looks great. He has gained two pounds and 1/2 an inch.
He continues to sleep often and breastfeeds well just like babies do. He is so precious.
He continues to sleep often and breastfeeds well just like babies do. He is so precious.
Back on Track
Well, I have officially lost 21 pounds in two weeks. I should be right at the point where the fat and the baby fat separate. I have lost all of the fluid that was on my legs and feet. On Monday, I will record my weight and start from there. I have been developing my plan to get back to my goal weight and clothing size. I am really excited about the challenge. Monday, I am starting with my walking and organizing my menu. This time, I am really going to focus on having a healthy system. I want healthy blood and a healthy digestive tract. So, I really have to study what is good for me and not just focus on what will keep me "small". So, I am ready to begin.
I must admit that this time there is a sense of freedom. I don't feel like I will fail as I have over the years of dealing with this eating disorder and self image disorder. I don't have the total numbing fear that I won't keep it off or that I am going to let myself and others down. That is probably the best feeling in the world. The year of 2009-2010, with the dedication to reading the Bible and seeking God's freedom set me free and even though I gained weight for Nicholas' birth and all that comes with bringing a life into the world, I never lost my freedom from the bondage that I had been in for the majority of my life. I have always felt that all of my problems will be over when I get to a certain size, people will like me or forgive me or maybe I will be more interesting once I get to size "?". I don't feel like that anymore. It feels good to be free from that feeling. I have accepted who I am. I do not wish to fix the past or forget the past or expect things from those in my past. I focus on the future and my wonderful husband and our future and the future of my beautiful boys, the future of my business and future business ventures.
I learned a lot today about the digestive tract. If the digestive tract is on track then your whole body will be healthy. Basically, you are what you eat. How many times have we heard this in life. You are what you eat.
I must admit that this time there is a sense of freedom. I don't feel like I will fail as I have over the years of dealing with this eating disorder and self image disorder. I don't have the total numbing fear that I won't keep it off or that I am going to let myself and others down. That is probably the best feeling in the world. The year of 2009-2010, with the dedication to reading the Bible and seeking God's freedom set me free and even though I gained weight for Nicholas' birth and all that comes with bringing a life into the world, I never lost my freedom from the bondage that I had been in for the majority of my life. I have always felt that all of my problems will be over when I get to a certain size, people will like me or forgive me or maybe I will be more interesting once I get to size "?". I don't feel like that anymore. It feels good to be free from that feeling. I have accepted who I am. I do not wish to fix the past or forget the past or expect things from those in my past. I focus on the future and my wonderful husband and our future and the future of my beautiful boys, the future of my business and future business ventures.
I learned a lot today about the digestive tract. If the digestive tract is on track then your whole body will be healthy. Basically, you are what you eat. How many times have we heard this in life. You are what you eat.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Nicholas' First Week in the World
It was a great first week with Nicholas. Breastfeeding is going well. He is a natural feeder. No problems at all. Of course he wakes every hour to eat at night, but that is what babies do. Bug is working hard to get used to everything. I can still sense that he feels a little left out and jealous, but he is going to do just fine. Nicholas is spoiled rotten already. He has to be on my chest or Fred's chest at all times. I think that it is so sweet. He has the sweetest cry and the most beautiful unique eyes. His smile is inviting and he loves to rub noses. He is so smart. I can tell that he is thinking really deeply. What a precious baby!
Fred has been here to help. He makes dinner, cleans, and gives me a break when he can. He took Bug to school every morning and has not needed my help. He is such a great daddy.
I know we have a long way to go before things get easier, but I am even enjoying the sleepless nights and diaper changes because I know that soon Nicholas will be 3yrs old then 4,5,....13....18. So I am going to enjoy the good, the bad, and the ugly. For both of my boys..I am going to take it slow and watch closely.
We have had lots of visitors this week and look forward to more this weekend and next week. I am still sore and extremely tired and so is Fred, but life is good. I am so blessed to have such a great family.
Happy First Week Birthday, Nicholas. Welcome to the Kimmons family.
Fred has been here to help. He makes dinner, cleans, and gives me a break when he can. He took Bug to school every morning and has not needed my help. He is such a great daddy.
I know we have a long way to go before things get easier, but I am even enjoying the sleepless nights and diaper changes because I know that soon Nicholas will be 3yrs old then 4,5,....13....18. So I am going to enjoy the good, the bad, and the ugly. For both of my boys..I am going to take it slow and watch closely.
We have had lots of visitors this week and look forward to more this weekend and next week. I am still sore and extremely tired and so is Fred, but life is good. I am so blessed to have such a great family.
Happy First Week Birthday, Nicholas. Welcome to the Kimmons family.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
My Birth Story
May 26, 2011 I decided to relax since I thought that I would have to be induced the next day. I called my brother to pick up Buggie so that he could stay with him for the weekend. I cleaned the house and watched a lot of television. I got on the Internet and watched more television. I slept. Around five that evening, I went to pick up Bug from school. I wanted to spend a few hours with him before Eddie came to pick him up. I went to his school and went to get him some donuts and headed to the house. At the intersection, Eddie called me to ask where I was. I immediately got sad. He is not here to pick up Bug already,...I thought. He was. In my yard. So, Fred came home and we saw Bug for about an hour, then Eddie left with my baby. This is the first time that he is going to be away from us for a whole weekend. Bug was so excited to leave. That made me feel better, but I was still sad. I began to cry once he left. Fred was sad that Bug was gone too. So he suggested that we go to the movies to see something funny to lift our spirits. We went to see the Hangover 2. We went to the snack bar and got a huge bucket of popcorn. We took our seats. WE ATE ALL THAT POPCORN. I don't believe I have ever eaten that much popcorn before. At about 8:15, I began to get these strong contractions. I ignored it and watched the movie 8:21. It happened again 8:36. I mention to Fred. He asked if we needed to leave. I said, No...it will stop. But it didn't so I asked that we leave. When we got in the truck...I was having contractions every 2 minutes. We got to the door of the house and I had a strong urge to pee-pee all of a sudden. Fred's key started to stick and I ran to the backyard to pee-pee, but he stopped me once the door was opened and I ran to the bathroom just in time, I emptied my bladder, but the water kept coming. I said, "I think my water broke." Fred said "let's go". I said I am not sure, I am going to call the on call nurse. She ordered that I go to labor and delivery immediately. So that's what I did. Once we got on 240, my contractions were less than 1 minute apart. It took us 15 minutes to get to Baptist Women's and the check out counter had no one available to check me in. I am leaking every where. not to mention the seat of our truck was soak and wet. Someone finally came to the counter after Fred started yelling for assistance. They got us back to the delivery room. It just so happened that my doctor was on call that night and I asked her just the day before who would be on call and she gave me the name of another doctor. Anyway, I immediately received my epidural right after they gave me saline and penicillin for group b strep. Life was great...the epidural actually worked this time. No pain, but I had the shakes terribly. I couldn't stop shaking. I managed to tell my mom that I was in labor and she came along with Tamara..yes, my sister was there. I was so glad to see them both. It was beautiful. The doctor checked me and I went from 4 to 9 cm within two hours. I began to push as instructed by the doctor and nurse. Then they told me to stop all of a sudden. I stopped. The cord was wrapped around my baby's neck twice and around his foot. This explained why he never descended into my pelvis before delivery and what may have delayed everything. Thank God for his protection. Nicholas Allen Kimmons was born at 2:32 am on May 27, 2011, 7 lbs 4 oz and 21 inches long. Beautiful. I am really sore and really tired. We just got back home today. I just wanted to also let you know that so far Bug loves him and wants to play with him. Thank God for a great Memorial Day Weekend and for answering my prayer to go into labor on my own. It was so much quicker and easier that being induced. Praise God. Continue to pray for me and my family as we adjust to our new precious addition. Wish me a speedy recovery and I will write to you later. Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Still Pregnant: Progress Made
We went to the doctor's office for my final visit. I have dilated 3cm. I am so glad that progress toward delivery has been made naturally. Last night, I had major braxton hicks contractions and I do mean painful contractions.
My hospital plans have been changed. I don't have to go in Thursday night. I must arrive at the hospital on Friday morning. Bug will be staying with my brother for the weekend. I believe he will have a good time with his cousin Noah and Ava.
Well, I will write a little later.
Mixed Feelings
I am going to miss being pregnant. I am going to miss knowing everything about my baby before the world does. I am going to miss him being with me everywhere that I go. I am going to miss feeling him kick and flip and push against my organs. I know it sounds strange, but this is a feeling that can't be explained. It is the best thing that can ever happen to a woman. The opportunity to have a child grow inside of you. To be a part of creation is the most wonderful gift one can receive.
So, to sum it up. I have mixed feelings...I am ready to see you Nicholas, but mommy is going to miss you being in her tummy.
Only two more days...till delivery...unless he decided to come before the induction date.
Later World.
So, to sum it up. I have mixed feelings...I am ready to see you Nicholas, but mommy is going to miss you being in her tummy.
Only two more days...till delivery...unless he decided to come before the induction date.
Later World.
Friday, May 20, 2011
The End of the World
This 89 year old minister says that according to his biblical calculations that the world is ending May 21, 2011. I need to borrow his calculator, maybe I can find out when Baby Nick will actually come.
To Be Induced
I went for my doctor's visit on Wednesday. No progress with dilation. Looks like we are headed for the induction schedule for the 27th. I am at the point of acceptance. I wanted to go into labor on my own (it is still a possibility, I mean, he could still come between now and then), but I have accepted the fact that that may not happen and,... and,... and,... I think that I am okay with that. I am just praying and believing God for a quick delivery of a healthy baby boy. Fred is so excited. He is calling me a lot through out the day. He is checking on me and Nick. Bug goes back and forth. Some days he will ask about baby brother and other days he will tell me that he doesn't want a baby brother. Well, I have to tell you Bug, Nick is coming whether you want it or not so we'd better get ready...all of us. Just 7 more days.
Monday, May 16, 2011
A Presidential Visit
Oh, I forgot to mention that President Obama came to visit one of the area high schools here in Memphis, TN. Booker T. Washington High School in South Memphis. This is one of the lower income neighborhoods, with a low graduation rate and high crime rate. The principal has been able to raise the graduate rate from 50% to 80% in the last 3 to 5 years. So a lot of progress has been made at this school. The children were so excited. They won a contest to have the President say the commencement address at their school. They were chose from hundreds of applicant from around the country.
We really needed this boost. We have been having a terrible past couple of months with the rising of the Mississippi River that lead to lots of flooding and people losing their homes and businesses and the recent tornados. Our area really needed to have the country look at it in a good light and I am so proud to have seen the children at Booker T. Washington shine so brightly for Memphis. Congratulations Booker T. and thanks President Obama for inspiring our Memphis children.
We really needed this boost. We have been having a terrible past couple of months with the rising of the Mississippi River that lead to lots of flooding and people losing their homes and businesses and the recent tornados. Our area really needed to have the country look at it in a good light and I am so proud to have seen the children at Booker T. Washington shine so brightly for Memphis. Congratulations Booker T. and thanks President Obama for inspiring our Memphis children.
Reflecting Him-The Only Way
I have been learning so much about what God wants of us. Yes, of you too. He wants us to look like Him. He wants us to learn His ways, stay out of sin, not look like the "world" but look like Him. We want God to bless us, We want a breakthrough! When is my season? My harvest, my blessing...give me...give me...give me. We are searching for our purposes in life till we die; But guess what God wants us to do... STAY AWAY FROM SIN! How do we do that? By finding out what sin is. Reading God's Word and find out what He orders us to stay away from. He wants us to be blessed, but He can't bless a mess. I have been reading the old testament; watching preaching and teaching DVDs with my husband and I see so many of the things that our society is becoming "okay" with. Just look in the book of Leviticus 18,19,20: God said, No tattoos, No homosexuality, No cross dressing, No witchcraft, No sorcery, No occult stuff, No fornication, No incest, No pedophiles, No Idol worship...(that includes Greek gods and symbols...people; Don't get me wrong, I almost got caught up in a lot of it too, but God made me research. He makes me find the "WHY" in everything I do or want to do). All of these actions have negative spiritual consequences. Demonic influences that stay with you. We have already let fornication, tattoo and homosexuality be "okay". What next, murder, pedophiles will marry little children. When will we end this perversion? God doesn't tell us not to do things because He is just not wanting us to have no fun. He is wanting to protect us from the negative demonic consequences that follow these types of behaviors. Read your bible, do some research and you will see that there is a spiritual tie to all physical things. You will begin to see why our society is the way it is and why things are the way they are in our lives.
With deep thought, I now disagree with teen dating altogether, yes, I did it and have paid a dear price for it. Even today, just think about it. Had you waited until you were an adult to date, boy, wouldn't your life be different. Look at adults still suffering from the mistakes they made as teenagers and young adults just by being to young to have given their all to a boyfriend or girlfriend. It was all a distraction from your real goal which was to get an education. You may have gotten your education, but I bet you could have done without a lot of the heartbreak, drama and in some cases pregnancy, abortions, STD, humiliation, loneliness and out of wedlock children that resulted from our immaturity during these teenage/young adult relationships. I used to think that because I got into teen dating and premarital sex that I couldn't tell people anything, but I am the perfect example of why you shouldn't do it. I have had a lot of self-rejection, low self-esteem and low self-worth from participating in relationships that I was too young to be in. Luckily, I didn't have any pregnancies or children, but I could have..my consequences for my actions were more mental. I am 32 years old and still can't get over some of the mean things that were said and done to me in my teenage relationships. I shouldn't have been in it...at all. When my boys want to do it, I am going to ask them Why? Why do you need a girlfriend now? What is she going to do for you, but get you off track. The whole point of teen dating is to have sex. The devil wants you to go all the way to destruction. After a while holding hands and smiling at each other will not be enough and by the time you reach eleventh or twelfth grade, it will be time to have sex and then...things will hit the fan. Teenagers are too young to handle that kind of responsibility that comes with having sex. I know I sound old fashion, but I don't care, you show me in the Bible where sex outside of marriage is okay and did not produced any negative consequences and maybe I'll change my mind.
That is probably the biggest way to not reflect God, through premature relationships. Starting to young. Getting into something without Him leading us into it. Next, I think is our need for approval. We want "man's" approval. We will do anything to get it. Spend money, lie, cheat, hurt ourselves and others just to be accepted by people who still don't care. We have to be about God. He is all that matters. He is the ONLY way. It has taken me a while to really truly know that. We say that, but do we really know that? I could go on for hours, especially since, I am on semi maternity leave, but I have got to wrap this up by saying. Let's get back to the Bible. Let's at least read it! Its more than going to Church...besides, half of the time the pastor is so afraid of losing members that he doesn't want to tell the congregation the truth. He just wants to give this "feel-good" message without telling us what we really need to hear to be delivered from some of the problems that we face.
I know I have gotten on my soapbox, but when I get home and flip through every channel and every channel has a homosexual, overeating, fornicating, witchcraft, demonic agenda, I have to say...enough is enough. I don't hate the homosexual or the witch or the fornicator or the liar. I love them as God does, but we can not tell them that their lifestyle is "okay". Just like we can't tell a pedophile or an adulterer that their life style is okay. We have to tell them the truth so that they can be delivered and set free. That's what we all want is to be free and live in the freedom of God's way; and that way reflects Him.
I'm done
With deep thought, I now disagree with teen dating altogether, yes, I did it and have paid a dear price for it. Even today, just think about it. Had you waited until you were an adult to date, boy, wouldn't your life be different. Look at adults still suffering from the mistakes they made as teenagers and young adults just by being to young to have given their all to a boyfriend or girlfriend. It was all a distraction from your real goal which was to get an education. You may have gotten your education, but I bet you could have done without a lot of the heartbreak, drama and in some cases pregnancy, abortions, STD, humiliation, loneliness and out of wedlock children that resulted from our immaturity during these teenage/young adult relationships. I used to think that because I got into teen dating and premarital sex that I couldn't tell people anything, but I am the perfect example of why you shouldn't do it. I have had a lot of self-rejection, low self-esteem and low self-worth from participating in relationships that I was too young to be in. Luckily, I didn't have any pregnancies or children, but I could have..my consequences for my actions were more mental. I am 32 years old and still can't get over some of the mean things that were said and done to me in my teenage relationships. I shouldn't have been in it...at all. When my boys want to do it, I am going to ask them Why? Why do you need a girlfriend now? What is she going to do for you, but get you off track. The whole point of teen dating is to have sex. The devil wants you to go all the way to destruction. After a while holding hands and smiling at each other will not be enough and by the time you reach eleventh or twelfth grade, it will be time to have sex and then...things will hit the fan. Teenagers are too young to handle that kind of responsibility that comes with having sex. I know I sound old fashion, but I don't care, you show me in the Bible where sex outside of marriage is okay and did not produced any negative consequences and maybe I'll change my mind.
That is probably the biggest way to not reflect God, through premature relationships. Starting to young. Getting into something without Him leading us into it. Next, I think is our need for approval. We want "man's" approval. We will do anything to get it. Spend money, lie, cheat, hurt ourselves and others just to be accepted by people who still don't care. We have to be about God. He is all that matters. He is the ONLY way. It has taken me a while to really truly know that. We say that, but do we really know that? I could go on for hours, especially since, I am on semi maternity leave, but I have got to wrap this up by saying. Let's get back to the Bible. Let's at least read it! Its more than going to Church...besides, half of the time the pastor is so afraid of losing members that he doesn't want to tell the congregation the truth. He just wants to give this "feel-good" message without telling us what we really need to hear to be delivered from some of the problems that we face.
I know I have gotten on my soapbox, but when I get home and flip through every channel and every channel has a homosexual, overeating, fornicating, witchcraft, demonic agenda, I have to say...enough is enough. I don't hate the homosexual or the witch or the fornicator or the liar. I love them as God does, but we can not tell them that their lifestyle is "okay". Just like we can't tell a pedophile or an adulterer that their life style is okay. We have to tell them the truth so that they can be delivered and set free. That's what we all want is to be free and live in the freedom of God's way; and that way reflects Him.
I'm done
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Speeding up the Process! A semester completed
Frederick finished his final project for his first semester at Ole Miss-De Soto. I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard to make good grades this semester. He should receive his grades soon and will prepare to take calculus this summer. Me, I'll be planning his big graduation party for this time next year in Oxford, MS for all of our friends and family. WAY TO GO Fred! We are proud of you.
Okay, I went to the doctor yesterday. Dilation is taking its precious time. I asked to be induced on my due date, but she informed me that an induction without a dilated cervix can not be scheduled until 41 weeks. 41 WEEKS!!! That is 7 days over my due date. I just don't want to do that. So, you know me, I got on the Internet to see how I could naturally speed things up. I went to Whole Foods this morning and purchased red raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil. The tea is for preparing for labor and the evening primrose oil is for cervical dilation + mommy and daddy time+ extra walking should do the trick. Hopefully, we can get Baby Nicholas out of mommy's tummy before Memorial Day Weekend. Okay, I am off to do some work.....
Okay, I went to the doctor yesterday. Dilation is taking its precious time. I asked to be induced on my due date, but she informed me that an induction without a dilated cervix can not be scheduled until 41 weeks. 41 WEEKS!!! That is 7 days over my due date. I just don't want to do that. So, you know me, I got on the Internet to see how I could naturally speed things up. I went to Whole Foods this morning and purchased red raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil. The tea is for preparing for labor and the evening primrose oil is for cervical dilation + mommy and daddy time+ extra walking should do the trick. Hopefully, we can get Baby Nicholas out of mommy's tummy before Memorial Day Weekend. Okay, I am off to do some work.....
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Genesis: God's Foundation; Nesting; dreaming of exercise
I just completed the book of Genesis. What a great book! I guess if I had to sum it up; Genesis was the book of God's foundation. It told of His creation of the world and also His creation of family and the struggle to keep it together and His message that He is the one true God of all. Even when lies and deception and impatience surfaced, God was able to still accomplish His goal to keep His promise to Abraham and to keep the family going and growing. What an inspiration to all families. There was much more in the book, but I think that is what I could put in a nutshell.
Next is the book of Exodus...can't wait.
I have been nesting like crazy. I rearranged Bug's room tonight. It looks awesome. I purged his drawers and packed away his fall and winter clothes. I purged some of his toys (when he wasn't looking) and books. It felt really good having the energy to do some of the things I haven't had the energy to do.
I have been daydreaming about exercising. I can't get it off of my mind. I am really ready to get back into the swing of things. Tonight, I purchased a cute new lunch box for my healthy food. It's big too. It will hold my lunch as well as my beverages and two snacks. I have been working on getting my program organized so that my transition back to work and working out will be as smooth as possible. I have maintained my gym membership, but I am really wanting to work-out outside. I guess it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep the gym option for those stormy days.
I really hope that I go into labor on my own. I hope I go into labor tonight. That would be great for me. Well, not so great for Bug 'cause we don't really have a place to take him in the middle of the night. Fred's sister lives here in Southaven, but you hate to be a burden. Oh that reminds me, the boys were on a waiting list for the christian preschool in Olive Branch. They are opening a second location in Southaven and my boys got in. YEAH! I like the school that they are in now, but it is time for a change. They have been having a difficult time maintaining directors and we need our boys in something a little more stable. We are going to give this other daycare a try. Okay, I am just rambling, I need to get some rest...doctors appointment tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.
Next is the book of Exodus...can't wait.
I have been nesting like crazy. I rearranged Bug's room tonight. It looks awesome. I purged his drawers and packed away his fall and winter clothes. I purged some of his toys (when he wasn't looking) and books. It felt really good having the energy to do some of the things I haven't had the energy to do.
I have been daydreaming about exercising. I can't get it off of my mind. I am really ready to get back into the swing of things. Tonight, I purchased a cute new lunch box for my healthy food. It's big too. It will hold my lunch as well as my beverages and two snacks. I have been working on getting my program organized so that my transition back to work and working out will be as smooth as possible. I have maintained my gym membership, but I am really wanting to work-out outside. I guess it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep the gym option for those stormy days.
I really hope that I go into labor on my own. I hope I go into labor tonight. That would be great for me. Well, not so great for Bug 'cause we don't really have a place to take him in the middle of the night. Fred's sister lives here in Southaven, but you hate to be a burden. Oh that reminds me, the boys were on a waiting list for the christian preschool in Olive Branch. They are opening a second location in Southaven and my boys got in. YEAH! I like the school that they are in now, but it is time for a change. They have been having a difficult time maintaining directors and we need our boys in something a little more stable. We are going to give this other daycare a try. Okay, I am just rambling, I need to get some rest...doctors appointment tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Mother's Day
I had a great mother's day. Fred bought a beautiful card and took me out to dinner. Bug made a card at school and gave me a plant. He also gave me a store bought card. I received lots to text messsages and facebook posts wishing me a happy mother's day.
The weather was great. It is still a lot of flooding in the area, thank God our area has not flooded, but my prayers are with the families that did not have such a great Mother's Day due to their homes and properties being destroyed. God is merciful and the Mid-South will pull through this.
Happy Mother's Day!
The weather was great. It is still a lot of flooding in the area, thank God our area has not flooded, but my prayers are with the families that did not have such a great Mother's Day due to their homes and properties being destroyed. God is merciful and the Mid-South will pull through this.
Happy Mother's Day!
Losing my grip
Did I say that I was hangin' in there! I am losing my grip. I am so ready for the end of this pregnancy. I have had a great pregnancy. No problems whatsoever. I was able to work the whole time, no complications. A few aches and pains here or there, but that comes with the territory. I was given 3 great baby showers, but now...oh now...I can see the finish line, but it seems like it is moving the closer I get to it. Come on baby Nick. Mommy is ready :-)
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Hangin' in There
Still waiting on Baby Nick. I know that there are two weeks left, but I thought that he might come before that. I just had that feeling, but he may wait until his due date or after. I have been having back pains, but other than that I have been able to treat my office children without difficulty. Believe it or not, I have been having moments of nausea...right at the end of my pregnancy. It happens about one time a day and it doesn't last long. It lasts about two seconds. Then, I'm good. I'm hangin' in there.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Hurry Due Date! Hurry!
This week has been great. I had a surprise shower by the MS service coordinators. It was awesome. I did not expect any of it. I was to only meet one for lunch and when we got to the restaurant, all of them were there with tons of gifts for Baby Nick. It was so sweet of them to throw a shower for me and Baby Nick. He has everything he needs except for a bathtub. I am going to get that today with one of the gift cards that was given to me.
My feet are swelling, my back is "loose" and I feel like I weigh 350 pounds. I don't want to sound like I am rushing Nick, but...HURRY DUE DATE! Mommy's getting tired. I'm off to target. I'll write later.
My feet are swelling, my back is "loose" and I feel like I weigh 350 pounds. I don't want to sound like I am rushing Nick, but...HURRY DUE DATE! Mommy's getting tired. I'm off to target. I'll write later.
Friday, April 22, 2011
My Husband: A Great Man
This has been a long week. I am so glad it has ended. I have been so sleepy this week. Fred was on vacation this week, so I came home for lunch every day to eat with him. I fell asleep on him each lunch date this week. LOL! He would wake me up with the lunch he'd prepared for us.
Well, I had my 36 week check up today. The doctor checked my cervix and it is closed. I thought that I would have dilated a little, but I guess I need more time. I enjoy our doctor's visits. Fred has been to every visit except for the visit the day before Thanksgiving last year. He had to work that Wednesday. But other than that he has been to every visit; asked questions and has just been the best support anyone could ever ask for. What a great man! Fred, is the best example of a real man that I have ever seen. I have known some "good" guys, but never one that tries as hard and gives so much of himself. He is not selfish at all. He puts us (Bug & Me and soon to be Nicholas) first. What a great gift God has given us; A God-fearing man that loves his family.
He is getting closer to God by the minute. He is a big time sports fan. Football, basketball, baseball, you name it he knows all about it and the history behind every player. He know it all! When I get home, he is usually watching or listening to sports. But for the last few week, I have been coming home and Fred is listening to bible teachings and reading the Bible. I love it! It is so great that we are both growing. I have faith that God is going to do great things through the Kimmons family. I can't wait for us to be used by Him.
Well, I had my 36 week check up today. The doctor checked my cervix and it is closed. I thought that I would have dilated a little, but I guess I need more time. I enjoy our doctor's visits. Fred has been to every visit except for the visit the day before Thanksgiving last year. He had to work that Wednesday. But other than that he has been to every visit; asked questions and has just been the best support anyone could ever ask for. What a great man! Fred, is the best example of a real man that I have ever seen. I have known some "good" guys, but never one that tries as hard and gives so much of himself. He is not selfish at all. He puts us (Bug & Me and soon to be Nicholas) first. What a great gift God has given us; A God-fearing man that loves his family.
He is getting closer to God by the minute. He is a big time sports fan. Football, basketball, baseball, you name it he knows all about it and the history behind every player. He know it all! When I get home, he is usually watching or listening to sports. But for the last few week, I have been coming home and Fred is listening to bible teachings and reading the Bible. I love it! It is so great that we are both growing. I have faith that God is going to do great things through the Kimmons family. I can't wait for us to be used by Him.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Ultrasound:loving for two and a great baby shower
Yesterday, we had our doctor's visit. We are going to be going every week now that we have reached the final month of pregnancy. We saw a new doctor (we are encouraged to meet everyone in the group; My doctor may not be on call when I go into labor) So we discussed the changes in Bug. We told her about his need to get in our be every night. His tantrums and the misbehavior at his daycare. She told us that it may be the new baby, but she also reminded us that with his expanding imagination and growing language skills, he understands more and is starting to become afraid of things and may be afraid at night. She indicated that the behavior at school may also be a stage that most 3-year-olds go through. I did not think about this. I thought that all of this was because Baby Nick is coming. I felt so much better after our visit with the doctor. After our doctor's visit, we had another ultrasound. We did not get a video from our first 4-D ultrasound visit so they scheduled another one. It was so cute. He licked his tongue out and licked his arm and chewed his fingers. It was so cute. I just can't wait to meet him. While at the ultrasound, Fred received a call from the daycare telling him that Bug was not feeling well. This was the first time ever that I understood having two kids. At that moment, they were both on my mind. I was so glad to see my new baby on the video and the ultrasound screen, but my Bug was also on my mind. I never could have imagined how to love two kids the same amount. I had my first experience with this yesterday. This must be a little taste of how God has each and every one of us on His mind at all times. In a way, I can understand on a small scale God's great love for us. AWESOME!
Today, was a great day. I had a baby shower at my office. Because of the stress and jealousy that was at my last home baby shower. I decided that I was not going to have a personal shower. The wonderful people at work (PRN job) gave me one this year and I was going to leave it at that, but my high school friend/church member offered to do one for me. Then I had to decide who to invite. So I invited everyone; family,friends and old acquaintances. So who ever came, came. It was great. Her husband made the food and she decorated and brought a beautiful cake. My Ole Miss College friend from Nashville came as well as my teacher friends and another one of my college buddies, my buddy from my gym came as well. We played games that I have never played before. I felt so special. It was great! I was so worried. I didn't know who would come 'cause I knew my family members would not attend. But Fred assured me that the people that need to be there WILL be and He was so right. It was perfect. I could not have asked for a better office baby shower. Thanks so much K.M. and J.B for such a great shower. Thanks to all of my friends that attended. I love you all very much. I don't know why I worry so much, God ALWAYS works things out. When my friend gets back to Nashville, she is going to email the pictures to me and I will post them. I'll write later....until then world.
Today, was a great day. I had a baby shower at my office. Because of the stress and jealousy that was at my last home baby shower. I decided that I was not going to have a personal shower. The wonderful people at work (PRN job) gave me one this year and I was going to leave it at that, but my high school friend/church member offered to do one for me. Then I had to decide who to invite. So I invited everyone; family,friends and old acquaintances. So who ever came, came. It was great. Her husband made the food and she decorated and brought a beautiful cake. My Ole Miss College friend from Nashville came as well as my teacher friends and another one of my college buddies, my buddy from my gym came as well. We played games that I have never played before. I felt so special. It was great! I was so worried. I didn't know who would come 'cause I knew my family members would not attend. But Fred assured me that the people that need to be there WILL be and He was so right. It was perfect. I could not have asked for a better office baby shower. Thanks so much K.M. and J.B for such a great shower. Thanks to all of my friends that attended. I love you all very much. I don't know why I worry so much, God ALWAYS works things out. When my friend gets back to Nashville, she is going to email the pictures to me and I will post them. I'll write later....until then world.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Great Conference;Learning about the Food Industry
Man, I enjoy learning. I attended a great conference this weekend and also had the opportunity to speak on a topic there. Tons of parents, tons of professionals that shared the same interest. It was great. I began to think of some of my clients and how we could help them. I also had the opportunity to have a book signed by Temple Grandin, PhD and an opportunity to hear her speak on her life as a person on the Autism spectrum. THAT WAS SOOO INFORMATIVE! Because I am limited on staff right now, and the fact that I am eight months pregnant, my cousin Rowena an occupational therapist came down to assist me. She was great, motivating and loving. We had a great time and we will definitely attend the next conference.
Fred and I have started watching documentaries on Netflix. You know food and nutrition is my favorite subject. Well, we watched this movie called Food, Inc. OMG! The food industry is the DEVIL! They don't care what they feed us. We are not really eating food. We are eating chemicals and robotic animals. I used to wonder why there were so many recalls on foods. Well, they are not raising cattle and chickens as nature intended. They are feeding cattle corn and cattle should eat grass. When you do this, they develop ecoli bacteria and there you have it. So instead of letting the cattle eat grass as they should they are trying to design a way to override the ecoli, because letting them eat grass takes too long. AND the chickens, they aren't even real. They are pumped up with hormones and antibiotics to make them bigger. They are grown at twice the time needed to develop and they can't even walk, their bones break and shatter when they walk because their development has been sped up. This is not real food that we are eating. The Big wigs are in court now trying to decide if they should or should not have to tell us that the meat we are eating is cloned. All they want is our money! They don't care if we get cancer and diabetes...just give me your money and give it to me fast. By the way, I am starting to think they are all in this together. Let's get them sick on our processed food, tell them that it is good for them, then they develop diabetes, hypertension and cancer; then they can spend all they have on the medicines that we have manufactured. Tell me that is not a trick of the enemy to kill us before we have finished the work that God has set for us in our lives. IT BURNS ME UP! I am getting out off the hamster wheel. It is headed no where.
Fred and I have started watching documentaries on Netflix. You know food and nutrition is my favorite subject. Well, we watched this movie called Food, Inc. OMG! The food industry is the DEVIL! They don't care what they feed us. We are not really eating food. We are eating chemicals and robotic animals. I used to wonder why there were so many recalls on foods. Well, they are not raising cattle and chickens as nature intended. They are feeding cattle corn and cattle should eat grass. When you do this, they develop ecoli bacteria and there you have it. So instead of letting the cattle eat grass as they should they are trying to design a way to override the ecoli, because letting them eat grass takes too long. AND the chickens, they aren't even real. They are pumped up with hormones and antibiotics to make them bigger. They are grown at twice the time needed to develop and they can't even walk, their bones break and shatter when they walk because their development has been sped up. This is not real food that we are eating. The Big wigs are in court now trying to decide if they should or should not have to tell us that the meat we are eating is cloned. All they want is our money! They don't care if we get cancer and diabetes...just give me your money and give it to me fast. By the way, I am starting to think they are all in this together. Let's get them sick on our processed food, tell them that it is good for them, then they develop diabetes, hypertension and cancer; then they can spend all they have on the medicines that we have manufactured. Tell me that is not a trick of the enemy to kill us before we have finished the work that God has set for us in our lives. IT BURNS ME UP! I am getting out off the hamster wheel. It is headed no where.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Final Goodbye; The start of a new month
Friday, We said goodbye to my Uncle Melvin. It was a great celebration of his life. It was sad, yet hopeful. We were all comforted by each other's company. I was so happy to see how strong my cousins were during this whole ordeal. They had the support of their wonderful husbands and dedicated Mother, my uncles ex-wife. It was a beautiful thing. We buried Uncle in the "Cole" cemetary down in Tutwiller. Goodbye Uncle Melvin, Thanks for the memories.
A new month has begun. I am so excited, my big presentation is this week. My cousin Rowena is going to help me with my booth and with my talk. I am so lucky to have such a supportive extended family. I have my presentation the way I want it. I am going to review and practice this week. I have to get my booth prepared. I just purchased the booth last week. It was a last minute decision, so I don't have it all together, but I will by Thursday...I have to.
My brother has let me borrow this great book about becoming close to the Holy Spirit. It is so good. It is written by Benny Hinn. It's called, Welcome, Holy Spirit. I also learned a lot this week about the Enemy and his ways to trick us by joining secret organizations and worshipping things other than God. I am so glad that God has chosen me and the members of my family to be a light in this dark world. There are millions of people that need help and we are going to be used by God to lead others to the Truth of God's word through Jesus Christ. Amen.
A new month has begun. I am so excited, my big presentation is this week. My cousin Rowena is going to help me with my booth and with my talk. I am so lucky to have such a supportive extended family. I have my presentation the way I want it. I am going to review and practice this week. I have to get my booth prepared. I just purchased the booth last week. It was a last minute decision, so I don't have it all together, but I will by Thursday...I have to.
My brother has let me borrow this great book about becoming close to the Holy Spirit. It is so good. It is written by Benny Hinn. It's called, Welcome, Holy Spirit. I also learned a lot this week about the Enemy and his ways to trick us by joining secret organizations and worshipping things other than God. I am so glad that God has chosen me and the members of my family to be a light in this dark world. There are millions of people that need help and we are going to be used by God to lead others to the Truth of God's word through Jesus Christ. Amen.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Nicholas on my mind :)
I am so excited. I can hardly pay attention to anything. I can't wait to hold my new son in my arms. I can't wait to smell that baby smell and look into his baby eyes. I only have about 7 more weeks left and my little Nic will be here.
Bug is actually asking about when he will be coming to play. I hope he is that excited when he does finally arrive. I am going to need Bug to be a big boy and not regress. I have heard horror stories of jealous siblings wetting themselves and throwing tantrums because of a new baby. Hopefully that won't happen and if it does, maybe it will be short lived.
Believe it or not, I have lost weight. I don't know how, I have been eating everything in sight. When I weighed at the OB this week, I was down three pounds. I'll take it :-)
Bug is actually asking about when he will be coming to play. I hope he is that excited when he does finally arrive. I am going to need Bug to be a big boy and not regress. I have heard horror stories of jealous siblings wetting themselves and throwing tantrums because of a new baby. Hopefully that won't happen and if it does, maybe it will be short lived.
Believe it or not, I have lost weight. I don't know how, I have been eating everything in sight. When I weighed at the OB this week, I was down three pounds. I'll take it :-)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Shower for Nic;Teaching Moment: Goodbye Uncle
This week I began to feel a little bigger, moving a bit slower and getting more and more excited about my baby boy's arrival. I am also thinking about my business and how it will fair without my total presence for a while. I know not to worry. God will take care of everything, but you know me. I want Him to show me everything now!!! Now! Now! I have put my trust in Him so I'll just do what I am supposed to do, get things in order as best I can until my return.
I was given a baby shower and it was great. Baby Nic has everything he needs and more. The shower was given by a fellow speech therapist that I have been helping out. She coordinated this with other therapists from the department. It was beautiful. We ate at Olive Garden and I thought we were just going to eat ice cream and cake plus a few small gifts, but they went all out. A stroller, carrier, high chair, diapers, teethers, everything. I just cried like a baby. They really surprised me. I am so blessed to have worked with such a great group.
Remember the class I spoke to last year, well the professor asked me to return. Of course, you know I loved it. The students were so receptive and asked so many questions. They were so excited to hear about another avenue to provide services to the community. Many of the students approached me after class to ask more questions. I can't wait until next year when I 'll get a chance to do it again.
Yesterday, my mom called to tell me that my Uncle passed away. I was aware of his illness, but I was not aware that the illness had taken a turn for the worst. I thought he had a good prognosis, especially being so young. I immediately began to think about his two daughters, (my cousins), his grandchildren, his former wife and all of those he was leaving behind. I began to get sad, but only for a moment, I had a sense of peace. This is what came to mind: He is okay. His struggle is over. He is at peace. My dad looked up to his older brother. I remember one time (last summer) as they sat in my grandmother's den, trying to prove who knew the most, literally competing for each other's attention. I saw the light in my dad's eyes as he was outwitted by my uncle. All he could do was laugh. That's when I saw it. My dad's love and admiration for his older brother. It was great to see. I will miss him. We all will miss him.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Baby Nicholas
Here is a picture of my baby boy. He looks a lot like my Bug. I am so excited. Only a few more weeks and he will be in my arms. Search for Happiness; A long over due apology
Over the past two years, I have been wresting with old demons and facing a lot of truths about me, my family and people that I encounter. As I continue to make a name for myself and make a difference in the world around me, I discovered that most of us in some form or another have the same desires..to be happy. The things we buy, the people we surround ourselves with or not, the jobs we seek are all our attempts to obtain and maintain happiness. We will even pretend to be happy just to try and fool ourselves. We will tell others we are happy even when we are not just to protect the people in our lives or maybe to not be exposed as being unhappy.
I have come to believe that true happiness (this goes without saying) is only found in God and His Word. But what does it say about how we should feel about ourselves. I believe that God wants us to love ourselves like He loves us...unconditionally.
So where have I been, in "La-La-Land" "Protectionville". I have protected myself by thinking that people have my best interest at heart and that I was the reason for the bad endings. What can I change about me so that this situation never happen again. How can I make people be pleased with me. They can't. Because they are not pleased with themselves. They lie and cheat to seek happiness. I am on the road to possessing a certain freedom that most lack...the freedom of being yourself: not keeping up with the Jones'. I know of those working their butts off, not to save for the future, but to have the latest material thing that will get people "talking".
My need to gain approval has kept me scatter brained for the last 20 years of my life. Just because certain people that I felt were important (at the time) rejected me, I have been seeking that same acceptance that I will NEVER EVER obtain. Ignoring the unconditional love from God and my wonderful true friends and loving husband. I didn't even realize how I longed for the acceptance of those people that threw me away like I was trash. Waiting for my dad to not be jealous,but proud of me .Waiting for my mother to get out of denial about her life and the life that we had. So my search for happiness has lead me to letting others go. God is continuing to deliver me from "people" and what they think of me. The fear of failure and rejection is slowly but surely dying. I can finally say that I am happy with Mia just the way she is...fat or thin, pregnant, big hands, big feet, big eyes, small ears and misaligned teeth (getting braces after the baby). I think I just could never truly see myself. I only saw what others saw. Whether fat or thin, I always saw a fat disgusting girl, because that is what I thought those who rejected me saw. Today, I want to apologize to Mia for how I have treated her. I have been just as rejecting to her as others. Even though you will never hear this from the people you want to hear it most from...I am saying it to you...Mia, I am sorry for the way I treated you. You did not deserve to be treated in such a manner. You are very special and will make a difference in the world.
I have come to believe that true happiness (this goes without saying) is only found in God and His Word. But what does it say about how we should feel about ourselves. I believe that God wants us to love ourselves like He loves us...unconditionally.
So where have I been, in "La-La-Land" "Protectionville". I have protected myself by thinking that people have my best interest at heart and that I was the reason for the bad endings. What can I change about me so that this situation never happen again. How can I make people be pleased with me. They can't. Because they are not pleased with themselves. They lie and cheat to seek happiness. I am on the road to possessing a certain freedom that most lack...the freedom of being yourself: not keeping up with the Jones'. I know of those working their butts off, not to save for the future, but to have the latest material thing that will get people "talking".
My need to gain approval has kept me scatter brained for the last 20 years of my life. Just because certain people that I felt were important (at the time) rejected me, I have been seeking that same acceptance that I will NEVER EVER obtain. Ignoring the unconditional love from God and my wonderful true friends and loving husband. I didn't even realize how I longed for the acceptance of those people that threw me away like I was trash. Waiting for my dad to not be jealous,but proud of me .Waiting for my mother to get out of denial about her life and the life that we had. So my search for happiness has lead me to letting others go. God is continuing to deliver me from "people" and what they think of me. The fear of failure and rejection is slowly but surely dying. I can finally say that I am happy with Mia just the way she is...fat or thin, pregnant, big hands, big feet, big eyes, small ears and misaligned teeth (getting braces after the baby). I think I just could never truly see myself. I only saw what others saw. Whether fat or thin, I always saw a fat disgusting girl, because that is what I thought those who rejected me saw. Today, I want to apologize to Mia for how I have treated her. I have been just as rejecting to her as others. Even though you will never hear this from the people you want to hear it most from...I am saying it to you...Mia, I am sorry for the way I treated you. You did not deserve to be treated in such a manner. You are very special and will make a difference in the world.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Can't tie my shoes: Get-back-in-shape-plan
It's getting difficult to do things. Even tying my shoe has become a challenge. I will be 30 weeks tomorrow. I have officially gained TOO much weight, but only 10 weeks to go and my precious Nicholas will introduce himself to the world. I am excited , a little anxious, and unprepared. I have been focused a lot on the business and the new business. I am preparing to be off work as long as I can so that I may nurse as long as he needs. So I guess I am preparing for Nicholas, but in an nontraditional way. I am going to stop working after my presentation in April and then be out until late August, early September. We will see. I will have to play it by ear. At this moment, I have and am continuing to get my ducks in a row.
Well, I have been reading leadership books and reviewing my nutritional book to keep my mind fresh. I want to be ready to roll once I get my new life in order.
Oh, I have been reading this book about supernatural childbirth and reading the scriptures inside the book. They brought great comfort to me during the delivery of Bug. I believe that God's word will comfort me during this delivery as well. I am praying for a fast, and I do mean fast labor and delivery.
This is my beginning workout plan after Nicholas' birth ( I am so glad that Nic is coming right as the summer approaches. Great weather to go walking with the baby):
Week 1 & 2: 3 days of walking (1mile) per week. 2 days of light weight training (20 minutes).
Week 3 & 4: 4 days ( 2 mile walk) 3 days of weight training (30 minutes)
Week 5 & 6: 5 days 2.5 mile walk; 3 days of weight training (1 hr)
Week 7-14: Begin the couch to 5k program and sign up for the Women's Run in September.
After 5k train for 13 miler for St. Jude (Yes, I know I said the 26 miler, but I have to be real. I don't know what my life is going to be like with two children and it is going to be a big adjustment and I want to give my body enough time it needs to be successful at completing the full marathon. Now don't get me wrong, if I progress through my "Mia get back in shape plan" faster than anticipated, you can bet you bottom dollar that I will finish the full. We will see. Well that is the plan that I have so far for losing all this weight. I can't wait to get started.
Well, I have been reading leadership books and reviewing my nutritional book to keep my mind fresh. I want to be ready to roll once I get my new life in order.
Oh, I have been reading this book about supernatural childbirth and reading the scriptures inside the book. They brought great comfort to me during the delivery of Bug. I believe that God's word will comfort me during this delivery as well. I am praying for a fast, and I do mean fast labor and delivery.
This is my beginning workout plan after Nicholas' birth ( I am so glad that Nic is coming right as the summer approaches. Great weather to go walking with the baby):
Week 1 & 2: 3 days of walking (1mile) per week. 2 days of light weight training (20 minutes).
Week 3 & 4: 4 days ( 2 mile walk) 3 days of weight training (30 minutes)
Week 5 & 6: 5 days 2.5 mile walk; 3 days of weight training (1 hr)
Week 7-14: Begin the couch to 5k program and sign up for the Women's Run in September.
After 5k train for 13 miler for St. Jude (Yes, I know I said the 26 miler, but I have to be real. I don't know what my life is going to be like with two children and it is going to be a big adjustment and I want to give my body enough time it needs to be successful at completing the full marathon. Now don't get me wrong, if I progress through my "Mia get back in shape plan" faster than anticipated, you can bet you bottom dollar that I will finish the full. We will see. Well that is the plan that I have so far for losing all this weight. I can't wait to get started.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
My 32nd Birthday!
Today was my birthday. I had a great day. Lots of well wishes from my facebook friends. Texts from family and friends and phone calls. Fred took me out to lunch and then to see the Memphis Grizzlies game (against Spurs-Memphis won). The most exciting part of course was how much Bug enjoyed the game. He is such a big boy now. The Pastor of our church called to wish me happy birthday. He actually took the time to call me with a congregation of 5,000+ members. Wasn't that nice.
I moved my doctor's appointment to today. I am 28 weeks and four days. The doctor said things look great.
I am still putting the finishing touches on my presentation for April. I hope to TOTALLY finished by the 15th so that I can practice the last two weeks of the month. I want to make a big impression on the participants in the course. This could mean big exposure for me and my company.
Well, happy birthday to me. God has blessed me tremendously and I look forward to more blessed birthdays.
I moved my doctor's appointment to today. I am 28 weeks and four days. The doctor said things look great.
I am still putting the finishing touches on my presentation for April. I hope to TOTALLY finished by the 15th so that I can practice the last two weeks of the month. I want to make a big impression on the participants in the course. This could mean big exposure for me and my company.
Well, happy birthday to me. God has blessed me tremendously and I look forward to more blessed birthdays.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I'm worth it!
I can spend a billion dollars on Fred, Bug, and my mother. When it comes to spending something on myself, I can not do it. I get so nervous and I feel like I am wasting money or that I don't need whatever it is. I will buy myself the generic or plan to buy if for myself at some distant date in time. Like when I become a millionaire (which will happen very soon). This weekend, Fred helped me overcome this fear. He asked me why didn't I want to "invest in myself". I though about it. I said I don't know. He said to me, Mia, you have got to believe that you are worth it.
Wow! I thought that I had worked though that self-worth stuff, but I see that there are still some issues. So I did it. I made a big purchase! Just for me. Way to go, Mia!
Wow! I thought that I had worked though that self-worth stuff, but I see that there are still some issues. So I did it. I made a big purchase! Just for me. Way to go, Mia!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Good Week!
I have had a pretty good week. Bug and I hung out on Monday. Tuesday, my truck was damaged accidentally by a co-worker with great insurance. So that all worked out. I am in a rental until my truck is repaired. I exercised this week and I am entering into the third trimester of my pregnancy beginning tomorrow. The final stretch....28weeks. Now it is time to set some things in motion for my maternity leave, health plan and of course wrapping some things up at the office.
Nicholas, mommy is so excited to meet you.
Nicholas, mommy is so excited to meet you.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Message Received: Chuck E Cheeses
I heard Bug's message loud and clear. This morning, I shook off laziness and completed the 1 mile for walk away the pounds. It was fun. Too easy. Even after months of inactivity, that was not very challenging. My goals was not to sweat as if I am running. My real goal was to "get my mind right". I am approaching the beginning of my third trimester. The final stretch. I want to be prepared for Nic's arrival. So being in the best shape that I can possibly be in will be of great assistants.
I went to work for a little while today. Bug's daycare was closed (President's Day) so I couldn't get much done with him at the office. So we decided to go to chuck e cheeses. He had a great time. Played the games and ate oh so much pizza. I didn't think that little boy could eat so much, but he did. Afterward, we met up with Fred at Kroger where he was doing some work. He is now napping which gives mommy time to do some blogging and paperwork. I will be starting a new blog soon. One that is health related, but not so personal. Keep an eye out for that one. It will be paired with my other business venture. I am so ready to get started on that.
Well, I have lost two pounds. I am not trying, but I am so over the fact that I am pregnant and that I can eat what I want. I have been eating a little better lately. NO, I have not been calorie counting or anything like that. Just choosing a little better. Thanks for listening. I'll write later Enjoy the rest of your President's Day.
I went to work for a little while today. Bug's daycare was closed (President's Day) so I couldn't get much done with him at the office. So we decided to go to chuck e cheeses. He had a great time. Played the games and ate oh so much pizza. I didn't think that little boy could eat so much, but he did. Afterward, we met up with Fred at Kroger where he was doing some work. He is now napping which gives mommy time to do some blogging and paperwork. I will be starting a new blog soon. One that is health related, but not so personal. Keep an eye out for that one. It will be paired with my other business venture. I am so ready to get started on that.
Well, I have lost two pounds. I am not trying, but I am so over the fact that I am pregnant and that I can eat what I want. I have been eating a little better lately. NO, I have not been calorie counting or anything like that. Just choosing a little better. Thanks for listening. I'll write later Enjoy the rest of your President's Day.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Missing my workouts; A memory from Bug
This week, I have been thinking about my "get back in shape" plans. Now, I haven't taken any actions, just been thinking. I have my menus and workouts all together. I printed another copy of the cool running program and have even been reading the nutrition paperwork I received at a conference from last year. Going over note from my fitness certification class. I am "getting my mind right". I am so ready to share with others who struggle..too.
Thursday, while Fred or Daddy Fred as Bug likes to call his dad was in class, Bug pulled out my exercise mat and said "Exercise momma, turn on T.V." Can you believe that! He wants me to exercise. I didn't even realize that he remembered me exercising at home. It has been months since I consistently exercised. I guess it hasn't left Bug's mind either.
I am going to upload a picture of myself. I want the world to see Nicholas. It must be a good one though. Nothing frightening :-)
Well, I am going to go into my office this morning and do a little cleaning and organizing. I'll write later.
Thursday, while Fred or Daddy Fred as Bug likes to call his dad was in class, Bug pulled out my exercise mat and said "Exercise momma, turn on T.V." Can you believe that! He wants me to exercise. I didn't even realize that he remembered me exercising at home. It has been months since I consistently exercised. I guess it hasn't left Bug's mind either.
I am going to upload a picture of myself. I want the world to see Nicholas. It must be a good one though. Nothing frightening :-)
Well, I am going to go into my office this morning and do a little cleaning and organizing. I'll write later.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Valentine's Day 2011: A beautiful testimony
Valentine's Day was wonderful. My hubby is so sweet. He thinks the world of me and that is great. His love for me and little Fred is so evident. I don't ever have to wonder if I am special to him. Anyway, we went to dinner Saturday night. Ms Cynthia watched Bug for us while we enjoyed a great dinner in Memphis. We just looked into each other's eyes and had a magical time. (I think I am in love). Sunday, Bug and I went to church as usual. Monday (Valentine's Day) was a normal day. I went to the office and came home to flowers and candy, and best of all the most beautiful card I believe he has ever given me. The card talked about how we don't get to go out much and how our date nights have turned into trips to the grocery store with our child, but it stated that he wouldn't change it for anything...tears.... :-)...happy tears.....
Little Nic is growing and kicking. 6 months pregnant. I don't have a long way to go, but some days it feels like forever. Come on May 20th. It is starting to get a little difficult to get around on a daily basis. I found it hard to get off the floor with one of my clients. I have asked the mom's to bring their tables into the living rooms if they have them. This will keep me from having to get on the floor.
My parents are great. This morning I had an intimate conversation with one mother. She spoke about how she gave her life to Christ. She was born Jewish and had never heard about Jesus and his Resurrection. She said that she didn't even know what Christmas and Easter were really about. Being American, she heard of these holidays and was glad to get a day out of school, but she never knew what they stood for. She said that she was at home and a group of people came to her door and told her about he Gospel of Jesus Christ. She wasn't completely sold. She went surfing (she's from Florida) and as she rode the waves, she asked Jesus, "If you are really real, come into my heart". She said that she felt his presence immediately and has never been the same. Was that not a great testimony. It made my day. I told her that hearing that story was a blessing. How great is our God! He wants all of us to find peace in Him. I want His peace. Praise God!
Little Nic is growing and kicking. 6 months pregnant. I don't have a long way to go, but some days it feels like forever. Come on May 20th. It is starting to get a little difficult to get around on a daily basis. I found it hard to get off the floor with one of my clients. I have asked the mom's to bring their tables into the living rooms if they have them. This will keep me from having to get on the floor.
My parents are great. This morning I had an intimate conversation with one mother. She spoke about how she gave her life to Christ. She was born Jewish and had never heard about Jesus and his Resurrection. She said that she didn't even know what Christmas and Easter were really about. Being American, she heard of these holidays and was glad to get a day out of school, but she never knew what they stood for. She said that she was at home and a group of people came to her door and told her about he Gospel of Jesus Christ. She wasn't completely sold. She went surfing (she's from Florida) and as she rode the waves, she asked Jesus, "If you are really real, come into my heart". She said that she felt his presence immediately and has never been the same. Was that not a great testimony. It made my day. I told her that hearing that story was a blessing. How great is our God! He wants all of us to find peace in Him. I want His peace. Praise God!
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November 2011