Nicholas on my mind :)

I am so excited. I can hardly pay attention to anything. I can't wait to hold my new son in my arms. I can't wait to smell that baby smell and look into his baby eyes. I only have about 7 more weeks left and my little Nic will be here.

Bug is actually asking about when he will be coming to play. I hope he is that excited when he does finally arrive. I am going to need Bug to be a big boy and not regress. I have heard horror stories of jealous siblings wetting themselves and throwing tantrums because of a new baby. Hopefully that won't happen and if it does, maybe it will be short lived.

Believe it or not, I have lost weight. I don't know how, I have been eating everything in sight. When I weighed at the OB this week, I was down three pounds. I'll take it :-)

Shower for Nic;Teaching Moment: Goodbye Uncle

This week I began to feel a little bigger, moving a bit slower and getting more and more excited about my baby boy's arrival. I am also thinking about my business and how it will fair without my total presence for a while. I know not to worry. God will take care of everything, but you know me. I want Him to show me everything now!!! Now! Now! I have put my trust in Him so I'll just do what I am supposed to do, get things in order as best I can until my return.

I was given a baby shower and it was great. Baby Nic has everything he needs and more. The shower was given by a fellow speech therapist that I have been helping out. She coordinated this with other therapists from the department. It was beautiful. We ate at Olive Garden and I thought we were just going to eat ice cream and cake plus a few small gifts, but they went all out. A stroller, carrier, high chair, diapers, teethers, everything. I just cried like a baby. They really surprised me. I am so blessed to have worked with such a great group.

Remember the class I spoke to last year, well the professor asked me to return. Of course, you know I loved it. The students were so receptive and asked so many questions. They were so excited to hear about another avenue to provide services to the community. Many of the students approached me after class to ask more questions. I can't wait until next year when I 'll get a chance to do it again.

Yesterday, my mom called to tell me that my Uncle passed away. I was aware of his illness, but I was not aware that the illness had taken a turn for the worst. I thought he had a good prognosis, especially being so young. I immediately began to think about his two daughters, (my cousins), his grandchildren, his former wife and all of those he was leaving behind. I began to get sad, but only for a moment, I had a sense of peace. This is what came to mind: He is okay. His struggle is over. He is at peace. My dad looked up to his older brother. I remember one time (last summer) as they sat in my grandmother's den, trying to prove who knew the most, literally competing for each other's attention. I saw the light in my dad's eyes as he was outwitted by my uncle. All he could do was laugh. That's when I saw it. My dad's love and admiration for his older brother. It was great to see. I will miss him.  We all will miss him.

Baby Nicholas

Here is a picture of my baby boy. He looks a lot like my Bug. I am so excited. Only a few more weeks and he will be in my arms.              

Search for Happiness; A long over due apology

Over the past two years,  I have been wresting with old demons and facing a lot of truths about me, my family and people that I encounter. As I continue to make a name for myself and make a difference in the world around me, I discovered that most of us in some form or another have the same desires..to be happy. The things we buy, the people we surround ourselves with or not, the jobs we seek are all our attempts to obtain and maintain happiness. We will even pretend to be happy just to try and fool ourselves. We will tell others we are happy even when we are not just to protect the people in our lives or maybe to not be exposed as being unhappy.

I have come to believe that true happiness (this goes without saying) is only found in God and His Word. But what does it say about how we should feel about ourselves. I believe that God wants us to love ourselves like He loves us...unconditionally.

So where have I been, in "La-La-Land" "Protectionville". I have protected myself by thinking that people have my best interest at heart and that I was the reason for the bad endings. What can I change about me so that this situation never happen again. How can I make people be pleased with me. They can't. Because they are not pleased with themselves. They lie and cheat to seek happiness. I am on the road to possessing a certain freedom that most lack...the freedom of being yourself: not keeping up with the Jones'. I know of those working their butts off, not to save for the future, but to have the latest material thing that will get people "talking".

My need to gain approval has kept me scatter brained for the last 20 years of my life. Just because certain people that I felt were important (at the time) rejected me, I have been seeking that same acceptance that I will NEVER EVER obtain. Ignoring the unconditional love from God and my wonderful true friends and loving husband. I didn't even realize how I longed for the acceptance of those people that threw me away like I was trash. Waiting for my dad to not be jealous,but proud of me .Waiting for my mother to get out of denial about her life and the life that we had. So my search for happiness has lead me to letting others go. God is continuing to deliver me from "people" and what they think of me. The fear of failure and rejection is slowly but surely dying. I can finally say that I am happy with Mia just the way she is...fat or thin, pregnant, big hands, big feet, big eyes, small ears and misaligned teeth (getting braces after the baby). I think I just could never truly see myself. I only saw what others saw. Whether fat or thin, I always saw a fat disgusting girl, because that is what I thought those who rejected me saw. Today, I want to apologize to Mia for how I have treated her. I have been just as rejecting to her as others. Even though you will never hear this from the people you want to hear it most from...I am saying it to you...Mia, I am sorry for the way I treated you. You did not deserve to be treated in such a manner. You are very special and will make a difference in the world.

Can't tie my shoes: Get-back-in-shape-plan

It's getting difficult to do things. Even tying my shoe has become a challenge. I will be 30 weeks tomorrow. I have officially gained TOO much weight, but only 10 weeks to go and my precious Nicholas will introduce himself to the world. I am excited , a little anxious, and unprepared. I have been focused a lot on the business and the new business. I am preparing to be off work as long as I can so that I may nurse as long as he needs. So I guess I am preparing for Nicholas, but in an nontraditional way.  I am going to stop working after my presentation in April and then be out until late August, early September. We will see. I will have to play it by ear. At this moment, I have and am continuing to get my ducks in a row.

Well, I have been reading leadership books and reviewing my nutritional book to keep my mind fresh. I want to be ready to roll once I get my new life in order.

Oh, I have been reading this book about supernatural childbirth and reading the scriptures inside the book. They brought great comfort to me during the delivery of Bug. I believe that God's word will comfort me during this delivery as well. I am praying for a fast, and I do mean fast labor and delivery.

This is my beginning workout plan after Nicholas' birth ( I am so glad that Nic is coming right as the summer approaches. Great weather to go walking with the baby):

Week 1 & 2: 3 days of walking (1mile) per week. 2 days of light weight training (20 minutes).
Week 3 & 4: 4 days ( 2 mile walk) 3 days of weight training (30 minutes)
Week 5 & 6: 5 days 2.5 mile walk; 3 days of weight training (1 hr)
Week 7-14: Begin the couch to 5k program and sign up for the Women's Run in September.
After  5k train for 13 miler for St. Jude (Yes, I know I said the 26 miler, but I have to be real. I don't know what my life is going to be like with two children and it is going to be a big adjustment and I want to give my body enough time it needs to be successful at completing the full marathon. Now don't get me wrong, if I progress through my "Mia get back in shape plan" faster than anticipated, you can bet you bottom dollar that I will finish the full. We will see. Well that is the plan that I have so far for losing all this weight. I can't wait to get started.

My 32nd Birthday!

Today was my birthday. I had a great day. Lots of well wishes from my facebook friends. Texts from family and friends and phone calls. Fred took me out to lunch and then to see the Memphis Grizzlies game (against Spurs-Memphis won). The most exciting part of course was how much Bug enjoyed the game. He is such a big boy now. The Pastor of our church called to wish me happy birthday. He actually took the time to call me with a congregation of 5,000+ members. Wasn't that nice.

I moved my doctor's appointment to today. I am 28 weeks and four days. The doctor said things look great.

I am still putting the finishing touches on my presentation for April. I hope to TOTALLY finished by the 15th so that I can practice the last two weeks of the month. I want to make a big impression on the participants in the course. This could mean big exposure for me and my company.

Well, happy birthday to me. God has blessed me tremendously and I look forward to more blessed birthdays.