ST LOUIS!!! AGAIN!

I just returned today from a wonderful Memorial Day weekend trip to St. Louis with my in-laws. We had a great time. We went to the zoo, the arch, the mills mall and toured the city. We also did a whole lot of eating. I am to weight in at my 1 year anniversary tomorrow. I must admit. I am a little disappointed with myself. I thought I would be at my goal weight at a year. I have had so many bumps in the road (including the bumps I put there myself). The good thing is, I stuck to it for a year. That means that my consistency is developing. I am becoming a more consistent person as it relates to Mia.

I am not going to work tommorrow. I am taking the day off to get ready for the week and to rest up from our trip. I am going to make a new plan with the guidelines for healthy eating. I am using myself  (along with others) as my first official client. I am starting tonight with my plan. I have created a notebook with scriptures and journaling. Hopefully, this will be the notebook that I use with my fitness nutrition clients in the future. I am very tired. I will write more tomorrow after my final weight watcher meeting. The horrible thing is ...I am going to have a weight gain after this trip. Should I continue with this program for the "meeting" sake and still do my own plan? I could just go to the meetings to hear from the others that struggle. Here I go with my back and forth...I'll decide in the morning.

Moving Forward!

Yesterday was an interesting day. I went to my weight management meeting a little late because I got held up by a parent who was telling me about this minister who preaches an unorthodox message about family. I was so interested in this man's views that I stayed 30  minutes following my session to hear what she had to say about this man.  Anyway, I went to WW to tell my leader that next week would be my last meeting. She had a fit (not a bad fit, a good fit). She was so upset about me leaving. She wants me to reach my goal weight and be a leader. This was one of my original goals, but my approach has changed. How can I lead under their policy when I want to incorporate other things so that people can really be set free from this monster of compulsive eating. I still feel like I have reach the maximum level with this program. I don't feel that I need to go on any further after the "walk-it" challenge, but I will continue to think about it.

Also, yesterday, I made a business decision that would have backed me into a corner when I first started out. I had so much courage, boldness and stood my ground against one that I felt would have destroyed my establishment. My mother, sister and husband were so proud of me for doing this. My sister said, "Mia, you are growing skin like mine". My mom said, "Mia, I am so proud of you for standing your ground and not letting someone try to take over something that you are in control of." Fred was found laughing yesterday. I asked him what was so funny and he said, "Two years ago, you would have bent over for that person, but now you were able to tell them to "Hit the bricks! I am proud of the growth that I have witnessed". He is so proud of me. Sunday, he bought a card that expressed his love for me and how proud he is of me. I read the card and cried. Sometimes you just need to hear that. One of my former co-workers congratulated me on the completion of my SFN certification. It is just good to hear that your accomplishments and growth is appreciated.

Fred is a little sad this week. His ex-girlfriend died from complications of Lupus. He really liked this girl a lot and I pray for him to find acceptance and closure in this situation. My uncle is in the hospital with cardiomyopathy. He is only 56 years old. He has had a difficult time with addiction through the years. I am asking you (world) to join me in praying for his full recovery and deliverance from addiction.

Well, I had better get started with this day.

BHSM Celebration; Officially SFN

Hello World,

We had a great Better Hearing and Speech Month Celebration today. We didn't have as large of a turn out like we had last year, but it was extremely hot today. Well, not really, but it was the first hot day of the season. I believe this may have contributed to the lower attendance. We still had a great time. The kids had fun at the carnival, the games were so fun and the prizes were really cool. Lil Fred really had a great time. He played every game 100 times. He LOVED Elmo. The company had an Elmo costume. The person in the costume had to go back in the building every 15 minutes because it was so hot. I had to tell the attendance not to give him anymore prizes because I was thinking that he would win all of the prizes from the other kids. All four of my employees came today as well as two employees from First Steps (MS). They had more fun than the kids. The good thing is, there was no food left except for the snack bags of chips and cookies. I had a great time and I can't wait until the next BHSM celebration next year.

Before the BHSM Celebration, I went on my SIM run. I ran with the fastest runner Kathy today. She is 46 years old and a total jack rabbit. I was able to go at a 9:38 pace with her for about 5 miles, then I had to slow down and even take a 15 second walk break. She was nice enough to coach me on some techniques to help improve my endurance and she also still stayed with me after I "pooped" out. I completed the run strong. I also saw a couple of my old TNT buddies Amy and Lisa. They were just starting out as we were wrapping up. Amy has her San Diego run on June 6th. I wish her luck. She has worked so hard.

The best thing about today is that I officially received my Specialist in Fitness Nutrition Certification. Yeah! It is official. I AM A FITNESS NUTRITIONIST! What does this mean??? I don't know exactly. All I know is that I am one step closer to helping others who have suffered from compulsive eating. I am going to let it soak in for a few weeks before I take on clients. I already have a few people that I am currently creating programs for (just friends and family right now). I am really excited about this certification. After the camp, I will begin developing my website. Okay, I may write later blog. Until then...bye-bye.

Running Again...God's Blessings!

God is so good. I have been able to run again without nagging knee pain. This week I have been able to run 3.1 miles every morning. Four mornings in a row. I felt so good this afternoon and the weather was so nice that I almost ran this afternoon. I just didn't want to over do it before Saturday's long run so i decided not run. This week we will do another 7 miler. I ran with the fast girls last week. I am aiming to do that again this week.

Business wise...things are really looking up. I can't believe how God has been blessing us. Sometimes I feel like I am on an island by myself. But I stay honest, I put my heart into everything and I don't knowingly compromise. This has paid off tremendously. God has shown me incredible favor. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Okay back to my healthy life journey....

Well, not really back to the journey but since I turned 30 last year, I have had to wax places that I have never had to wax before. Am I getting old? Are my hormones changing? What is going on? I feel like I have traded places with my husband. He is losing hair and I am growing hair.

Okay, well tonight, I am going to read my scriptures and say my confessions. I started the Diane Hampton book again. It was so good that I need to read it a little bit slower this time. Okay...I must go to bed so that I can be ready for my 3.1 miler in the morning....Night-Night Blogg.

Sowing to the Spirit

This week has already been busy. I have the carnival this weekend, the camp in three weeks and we have a family trip to St. Louis coming up that Fred and I are in charge of....or should I say, I am in charge of. That's a lot.

I only have a few more weeks of attending Weight Watchers and then my year will be up. I think that I will discontinue this program because my approach to weight maintainence has changed. I love what the program has done for me as far as keeping me accountable but to be honest, I have basically followed my own plan. I just enjoyed attending the meetings with people who could relate to my struggle with overeating. I am going to participate in the "Walk-It" challenge on the 6th of June, then I will attend the following meeting. After this meeting, I will begin the program related to my FNS certification and continue with the participation of Christian Weight program as I am in the process of developing my own program.

I have been following my scripture readings and prayers before every meal.  I have also been sowing to the Spirit by fasting certain normal feeding opportunities to strengthen my inner man. This has been much more "freeing" than counting points, calories or fat. Don't get me wrong, these things are a must, but to truly be free is to live by faith. The just shall live by faith. Love never fails....it is stronger than death itself.

Weekend Wrap-up

I had to cut my run short on Saturday because of a very important meeting. So I only completed 4.7 miles. This is not good. I only ran 8 miles total last week. This will really negatively affect my calories burned. Positive: I still was able to workout everyday this week.

I have been reading more scriptures and accomplished my goal last week to spend more time with the Lord. I really realize that I have to do more work to fight this weight battle. I can't put everything on Him. God is waiting for me to stop, take time and learn. Speak positively and maintain my focus on my goals. This has been hard.

Good news, today I ironed all of my clothes for the week and I got my workout clothes ready to go. I am doing this to have more time to spend with the Lord on a daily bases. I went back to planning my weekly meals. I have reasoned that organization is the only way for me especially since I am now expanding my business.  Welcome Week...You will be a great one!

EATING ONLY WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY!....What a concept!

I never stop learning. That is probably one of my best qualities. I am excited about knowledge. I love reading on topics that interest me and especially those things that will help me to be a better me. Well, I am now reading a new christian book about compulsive eating and overcoming this challenge. I spoke of this new book on the previous post. Well, this author only eats when she is hungry. YES! If she is not hungry she doesn't eat. She doesn't worry about calories or portion sizes. She said that she listens to her internal, God given signals. She likened it to a baby. A baby eats when he is hungry and when he is satisfied he stops.

The author also goes on to say that when she eats only when she is hungry she wants the foods that God said are good (see Genesis and Leviticus for this info). I haven't really wrapped my mind around that yet. I love that way. It seems a heck of a lot more freeing than the other way I have been doing this thing. Cause here is the thing. I eat better now than I have ever eaten before in my life, but I still feel like "hungry" is lurking behind me or sitting on my shoulders. I have to avoid certain places, people, activities, because they are all triggers. This woman, author, is able to go on a cruise ship, hear the dinner and lunch bell and avoid the buffet altogether because if she is not hungry she doesn't eat. No matter what time it, No matter what is going on, No matter if she feel that she may not have time to eat later. It doesn't matter. If she is not hungry, she doesn't eat. Isn't that something!

This message felt right with my spirit. I know that it will take time to develop, but it was true, if only for what God showed the author it is still her truth. I like her truth. It makes perfect sense. Eat only when you are hungry! God gave us internal signals and we have trained ourselves to ignore them.

Anyway, I should be receiving my nutrition certification soon. I have been working on developing a christian program for those like me. I love my weight management program, but one thing is missing. One important thing. The Word of God. That is what will set you free...His truth. I know that. Have known that and this will be the only way that I will be able to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle...through the knowledge of Him.

Roots!

My roots are showing. I haven't been rooted in my healthy journey. I have allowed the cares of this world, to remove my planted seeds. What am I talking about? Well, I was listening to a teaching today (which I have now included in my things to do weekly). This teacher spoke on Mark 4. Jesus talked about the sewer and the seeds. A farmer planted some seed. As he scattered it across the field some of the seeds fell on a footpath and the birds ate it, some of the seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. but the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn't have deep roots it died. Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty and even a hundred times as much as had been planted. Jesus explained to the disciples that the seed represented God's word and some of the listeners did not take the word and get it rooted in their hearts so they would become discouraged as soon as the cares of this life come. I have been like this. Everytime a day does not go as perfectly planned, I abandon God's will for me to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I have even wanted to give up because I felt as if I had lost what I had. My motivation and enthusiasm is gone. That's how I feel, but feelings come and go but the Word of God is permanent and alive. I asked God to forgive me for losing faith in what He is doing in my life. I repent of the spirit of impatients, lack of restraints and using food as my "god".
I have been deceiving myself into thinking that I can do this alone with man's tools of weight management programs and nutritional information. Don't get me wrong, I need these things, but what I also need is the word daily. So, back to the start again. God I hear you, I won't leave you out again. I'm back for the umteenth time. Here I am use me for you will.
I am going to step outside of myself. It is time to go and produce a harvest. I am going to tell anyone who is willing to hear me speak on my deliverance from food obsession, and addictive  behaviors. I have been set free and am growing from glory to glory everyday. I chose to stay focus and rooted in God's word. I will find scriptures and teachings to help me with the cares of this world, not food. I will exercise, clean up, read my bible, dance with my son when stress and frustration appear. I am now divorcing food. You are out of my life and I will have no relationship with you other than to fuel my body. IT'S OVER!

Too Much, Too Deep!

This book is amazing. I can't tell if I wrote it or the author wrote it. It is exactly how I feel. I am enjoying the book Feeding the Hungry Heart, but I also had the feeling that I need to stay with the bible. I don't want to get lost in "man's" wisdom about things. It is okay to read, but I don't want to make the author my final authority on compulsive eating and emotional matters. God is the one who can counsel me. He will continue to help me, so that I can help others. With that said, this is a deep book. It gets to the core of the compulsion in vivid detail. I read and thought to myself. Too Much, Too deep! I need to read it though. It is helping me to better understand what keeps us from reaching our healthy goals. For some, food and food issues need more than just a visit to weight watchers (me) or jenny craig (me). Some of us (me) need a renewed heart. We need God to take our heart and restore our feelings of security and love that was either taken from us or never given to us. He will restore me and I stand grateful for the restoration that has taken and will continue to take place as I stay on this journey to health.

One of the SIM that I ran with Saturday is a personal trainer. She received her certificate from the same company that my certification came from and she is interested in me assisting her with some children in the Memphis area who need to be educated on healthy eating choices. So in the next couple of weeks, I will be reviewing this program to see if this is something that I may be interested in.

Fred and I went to Oxford Saturday after my run, we attended his sister's graduation from Ole Miss. He was excited about being around his family. He doen't know much about this side of his family because his dad wasn't around much so Fred didn't get a chance to be around them. During the graduation, his grandmother indicated that he never comes to visit. He told her that he would try to do better and visit him as often as he can. Once we got in the car, Fred said that he had a good time, but being around his father and his father's family hurts, because it reminds him or how much he missed out on. It also shows how much he doesn't know about his other side of the family. I didn't have much of a response. I simply said, "I understand."

I have decided not to spend another minute competing with myself or my past self. I can't change anything. I am giving myself a break. The recognition and support that I desire is not longer the driving factor. I have a new motivation...me for others. I am stepping outside of myself and my need to please. I see that I can't please. God has a special place in my heart reserved for Him and I intend on filling it with His love. As I have stated in previous posts, these individuals are not even looking at what I have, am and continuing to do. They still think and will always think that I am a loser. But I didn't lose. I won a lot and am continuing to win, because I am a winner. This break is not to go backwards and return to old feels and habits, but a break on trying to prove my worth. I have said this before in other posts, but the only ones that matter are those that chose me. They saw my worth enough to choose me.

Bunco Party Fun!

Today started out great. I made one of my delicious smoothies and had a lunch of ceasar salad and soup. I was saving room for tonight's bunco party. I had never heard of this game until one of my former co-workers invited me to join the group. It was so fun and just a great opportunity to get out of the house. I was the only person of color, but I didn't feel odd. I think that was due to the margaritas...LOL! No really, with the improvements that I have been doing on my self esteem, I am beginning to learn not to look inward so much. I have been thinking more positively, so I had good thoughts the entire night. I also noticed that just like me these women had body image issues. Maybe their issues didn't run as deep as mine, but it was a little comforting to know that they had things that they would like to change or were not happy with. I look forward to attending another bunco party next month.

Tomorrow is my first run with SIM. We are to meet at shelby farms at 6am. So I am going to go to bed. But I must first tell you about another book that I am reading called  Feeding the Hungry Heart by Geneen Roth. I started reading as soon as I got home from the party. It seems like it is going to be a good read, but difficult. It is really going to get deep into the reasons behind the experience of compulsive eating.  I'll tell you more later.

A day to start again

Isn't it great to have new days. I am so glad that one day doen't continue into the next. God gives us a break. Resting time. Then the sun shines again. And you start a new day. New opportunities. Before, I always lived looking behind..trying to find a way to correct what had happened in the past. Now I am learning to let the past be the past.

I had a very deep moment of weakness this week. I almost quite weight watchers. I will never let the leader know that, but I had a small moment, not long but I tell you the truth, I was going to quite. Forget  about the 20 pounds I need to lose. Everyone says I look okay anyway I thought. But I decided to keep the promise that I made to myself. Can you believe I was about to do that. I really would have had lots of regret.

Jealousy, Self-discovery and Helping others

I have been reading a couple books from the library about Compulsive eating and binging. It is so interesting to study the real causes of these behaviors. I fit into the mold so easily. I never thought that my overeating was related to so much emotion until I started this journey. For every emotion I was afraid to show, I let food do the talking. WOW! self discovery is so eye opening.

I would really like to talk about the green monster. Yes! Envy and Jealousy. I really dislike those emotions. I have been jealous, I have been envious, but a jealous and envious person I am not. I am happy for the next person. I love to see people doing well. Especially when they are like me (same age, gender, ethnicity) I am not a "keep up with the Jones" type person. Anyone that knows me knows that I try to be as genuine as I can. I am definitely honest and have lost lots of friends because of my honesty (never rude, just honest and expect honesty in return). People just really have a problem with the truth. They don't understand that truth is freeing. The truth helps you. I don't have envy and jealousy as a personality trait. People have been so jealous of me and my career choices, my family life that they can't even look me in the eye or speak to me. Isn't that something. People I had been friends with (or should I say thought we were friends with) for years. They can't even speak to me. It's as if they can't believe that "Mia Cole" is able to do what she is doing. "How can she be doing that?" I asked Fred what did he think made these people act this way. He said, "They think that they are better than me. How can someone lower than they are be able to pull off what you have." I don't know if he is right, but these people have no idea what I had to go through in my early life, what I will have to go through in the future or what it takes to do what I do everyday. The thing with jealousy is this:  YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU. YOU CAN DO THE SAME THING I AM DOING. GET OFF OF YOU BUTT AND STOP WAITING FOR A HAND OUT. NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU BUT YOU! What the jealous person fails to realize is that for #1 I don't care. #2 I really don't care #3 If you just supported my efforts or pretended to, maybe your jealousy and envy wouldn't motivate me to do more. What idiots! I feel sorry for you all. Step out on faith and do something. Don't be mad at me because I'm not afraid to fail. What's the alternative? Never trying. That's worse than failing. Besides when you have had the self esteem problems and emotional abuse that I have suffered. Failure doesn't phase me at all.

Alright, I am done with that. This week had been so good. I have had lots of good feelings about my eating choices. I must say that I have slacked off a bit on my working out since the race. Oh, yes I still get up every morning and work out, but with far less intensity than before the race. I think I am still taking a break from all the training and worrying about my knee. I lost .6 lb this week at WW. They are asking me to organize the 5k that will be held on the 6th of June. I'll do the flyers tonight and email them to my leader. I think this will be fun and exciting. Especially for those who have never done a 5k. We are planning on walking. I am sure everyone will be able to complete the mileage. I'm excited.

Believe it or not, I have the rest of the year's races scheduled and registered for. I also have my CEU trips planned and reserved for the remainer of this year and next. I am on the ball. I rock....Notice, I am saying positive things about myself. Yeah! improvement!

The book is coming along. It is so difficult. I know this is a long, long process. I started at another phase in my life. My home life during my high school years. That was tough. I didn't get very far at all. This book may take several years, but I am willing to make it happen. I know it will help people just like me and my siblings. Just as other books  have help me find healing.