Consistently inconsistent. My Oh My. There is so much that I want to read and learn about God that I am having trouble focusing on which area I want to start with. I have to constantly remind myself that I don't have to rush. That God is willing to wait on me to get things together especially since I am making an effort to get to know Him better.
When I look at all my goals and what I want to achieve and all the people I want to help and learn to forgive....the main thing that I want to do is possess the character of God. I desire to be like Him. Nothing else really matters much to me. I have slowed my own progress for years trying to "fit in" and gain the approval of others. It upsets me to think how far I would have been in God had I not gotten mixed up with the wrong people and the wrong things in my past. I am not too upset, because it all made me the person that I am today. I wouldn't have the insight that I have if it were not for the things that I went through.
This has been one of the best, if not the best year of my life. My family is healthy and growing. We are expecting our second beautiful child. I accomplished a lot of goals this year by finishing a 1/2 marathon, growing my business, obtaining my fitness nutrition certification, joining sisters in motion, finding a church that the whole family enjoys, getting into great shape and learning that eat properly is more than just counting calories or points. It is about your relationship with God. Nothing can come before Him. I had to make food have the correct place in my life. That was a very eye opening experience for me this year. For Mia, it was all about putting God first and using His word to get the stronghold of food out of my life. Eat when you are hungry...Wow...that still blows my mind. I also learned this year that food was my way of not dealing with situations, once I began to let food have its proper place old hurts and old pains, unforgiveness and anger popped out of no where. I dealt with these issues, wrote about them, and was able to let it go. God also removed a lot of the people who were no totally in my corner this year. I was so surprised to find out who these people were. I would have never guessed in a million years, for some reason Fred knew, but I didn't. I have always been blind to people who actually care about me and I work hard for the friendship of those who would throw me under a bus if they had the opportunity. God is helping me to see the true hearts of people. I lost my Aunt San this year and what a loss it was. I will miss her laughter and wisdom. I will miss her desserts this Thanksgiving. I will never forget what she has taught me. Next Subject....
With the fatigue and symptoms of pregnancy, there has been weight gain. I would usually be devistated and angry with myself. Not only anger, but self-hatred and total unforgiveness. I would seek ways to punish myself for not maintaining my weight. I have now learned to be forgiving to Mia. I know that pregnancy is beautiful and temporary and that I will get back to my ideal weight as soon as my lovely baby arrives. It will be a lot easier this time because I understand how to put God first and that I will do.
I'll write later.
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