Camp Ends...Aunt San...Little Rock!

Hello World,

 My camps ended yesterday. They were so much fun and all of the kids had a great time. We learned lots of new things, made great crafts. I have great ideas for next year. BUT! Although it was fun, I am worn out. Next year, I can't do this any more than a week. Even though I will have more staff next year, I still will not hold  this any longer than a week. I am so tired. It negatively affected my routine as far as running and eating healthy. I was so tired that I had difficulty this week running. I missed two runs this week. Yes, I said it two runs. I don't miss my runs. I am so tired that I almost want to cancel my trip to the Cole family reunion this weekend. I don't know what I was thinking. I will not get any rest. Right after the camp, I am heading out to a reunion. That is not the only reason why I want to skip the reunion...my Aunt San is sick in Oxford. The doctors haven't given her long to live (days is what they are saying). I went to see her on Wednesday. She knew who I was briefly(she goes in and out), but she looked terrible. Breast cancer is a monster! It is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life!

She is my maternal aunt. My mother's second oldest sister. She was living in my grandparent's home in Oxford after they died. Who's going to be there now after she is gone? Where are we going to have family gatherings? Is anyone going to continue to come to Oxford to visit after Aunt San goes to heaven? I feel like everything is about to change. She makes the best pound cake. What am I saying she makes the best desserts in the world! I hate to talk about her like she is already gone, but she is. That is not my aunt in that hospital. That is the cancer. She doesn't look or talk like my Aunt San. Breast Cancer lives there now and has taken over her entire body. I miss her. I want to tell her that I love her again. She knows. I tell her all the time. But I just want to tell her again. I want to talk to her, not the cancer. As I watched her Wednesday, I thought of all the times I shared with her. The way she laughs. Her shoulders go up when she laughs. She always had the most beautiful black hair. The longest I had seen on anyone in our family. Now the hair is all gone due to the chemo. She had beautiful dark dark brown skin...now it's pale. Who is that? That is not my Aunt Sandra! She can see my grandfather. She can see my uncle. She can talk to and follow them with her eyes. They are all dead and have been for a long time. But she can see and talk to them now. I heard her talking to someone as she lay in the hospital bed. Who did she see? Is she really seeing the dead or is that the cancer playing tricks with her mind?

I have to start packing for Little Rock. We will be leaving this evening. My sister and her husband will be driving. Lil Fred and I are going. Fred has to work. Mom is going to stay with her family because of Aunt San. I think Dad is going too. We will have a good time. I will write a little later. Keep me in your prayers world.