Okay....the walls

Okay, I am ready to deal. I had a dear colleague-friend make me get real this week, along with Fred. I don't even think they realized the impact they both had on me this week. She (my colleague-friend) was just sharing a bit but Proverbs 25:11 came to mind as we ended our text conversation: A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. She hit the nail on the head. I knew I was ready to deal with my walls. Got home and was like..."I like my walls...they are great excuses right now." Fred immediately said, "Mia, let God get rid of those strongholds, let them go. You can't do it. Stop being controlling. Let them go."

I am back at square one because of some walls that were never TRULY torn down. I just read a few of my post from over the years. I thank God that I write because I can see where I have made mistakes (not just typos :-)). In December 2011, I can name the walls that I find my comfort. I realize that these walls are all deception and based out of fear, but definitely a way for me to keep going around the same circle thus preventing my progress. I have the safe walls or strongholds that I have allowed Satan to  set up in my mind based on what was said or done to me: whether by my own hand or by the words or hands of others. I know that over my years of blogging that I have talked about them.

 Here we go.... The first wall and probably the most stable wall is DISOBEDIENCE. I know what I should do, but use every excuse in the book to keep from doing what I know God wants me to do. Obedience is more important to God than sacrifice. He wants me to follow His commands. I know exactly what He wants me to do...slow down, take time to talk to Him by reading and studying His word on a regular basis. The bible tells us in Galatians chapter 5 to Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. There is no way that I can do "this sin" or "that sin" if I am walking in the Spirit. To walk in the Spirit is to study the word, pray, meditate on the word of God, and being holy.

The second wall is shame. From the results of my disobedience comes shame. The embarrassment of what I did not do starts to take over. The shame of being back as square one. The shame of having to do it all again. It's like repeating the third grade in school. Everyone knows where you should be but you didn't do what you needed to do to get to where you should be.

The third wall is blame. This wall is used as an excuse. If I blame then, I will never have to take responsibility for what it is that I need to do. I can say, "I couldn't do this or that because I had to do this or  find this or that or I lost my...".

The fourth wall is hiding or running from the truth or self deception. Whatever you want to call not dealing with what is really going on.  I want to do everything, but deal with my issue. Later never comes and I hide in later.

I sabotage my own efforts to succeed out of plain old fashion fear of success, the comfort of the familiar and laziness. I use these four walls to go back to the "old me" so that I can do it all again and have the same problem never getting to the next level.

From these four walls are props or planks that hold the walls up to keep them from falling these include: staying too busy to take time for me, lack of forgiveness, disorganization, lack of patience, envy and selfishness.

That wasn't easy. That was not easy. That was difficult to do! But that is my truth for today. That's my truth.