It has been a while. I have been suffering from writers block for over a month. Well, a lot has occurred. I realized that it is okay for me to give myself a little more time after the baby to get it together. I still need more time and he is 6 months old. I have been too hard on myself. I did not give myself a break. I have been rocking and rolling since May 27th of this year. Even on my six week maternity leave, my mind was racing. Trying to stay "perfect".
I recently realized that I have had a tough year emotionally. The loss of my aunt in the summer of 2010, my uncle and then my grandmother in 2011. Here are some of the big things from 2011: I had to basically start all over with everything after the birth of Nicholas, Lil Fred's language impairment was acknowledged and addressed, and the emotional changes Bug suffered from the realization of Nicholas' permanence in our family, helping Fred as he completes his senior year in school. Just trying to balance it all has been a challenge. But to sum it all up. It has been a great year. I have learned a lot about me and the strength of my immediate and extended family. I learned that there is a lot that I can do, but I also learned that I can't do it all and neither do I want to. I learned the importance of seeing people and empathizing with them but not to the point that I put my own needs aside. I learned the freedom of the word "No". Can I say it again, "No". People want what they want and will put you in a bind to get it, so, I learned this word this year, "No".
Through it all Fred and I have gotten closer to God. We did not leave His side. We learned more about Him and kept as close as we could to Him during these times and He has made a way for us.
Another thing, I wrote out my list of goals for 2012 as I do for every year. My list is so different for 2012. It is not about me. It's about the bigger picture of me. Its about me setting the same goals with a different motive. I also see what really matters...and they are in the pictures on your right and to your left.
Now about my health...
I have learned a lot more about the achievement of optimal health for the body. I am currently reading Fit for life, juicing a little and have taken a great liking to eating more live foods on a daily basis. I am waiting for the perfect day to go and exercise. Can you please tell me when things are going to be perfect enough for me to go? Anyway, that's another situation for another day. Today, I am appreciating what I have done correctly this year. I am finished sabotaging my efforts. I am truly going to stop trying to "fix" things on my own. Only God can help me get to where I need to go. Following Him is the only way to change permanently. I have always tried to do everything in my own strength and I am worn out. God wants me to prosper and be in good health even as my soul prospers. So that means I need to have my soul prosper. I have to let the blood that he shed take care of all of my needs. It's a different me, I surrender all.
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