Easter was great yesterday. The whole family got a chance to go to the early service. The message was about letting Jesus rise in Us. What a great message.After church we all went to IHOP for breakfast. Right after breakfast Fred had to go back to work. He really didn't want to but..duty calls. Lil Fred didn't get a chance to go Easter egg hunting, but he got a nice basket with a car and a Thomas the Tank Engine and Percy "Easter" train set.
Today was really, really, really tough, I saw my patients and got a few things done. I was reminded of the responsibilties I have as far as getting my finances in order and the need for an additional therapist and the fact that my knees still bothered me after a 1 mile walk and 3 mile bike ride at the gym. I rested them for over three days + ice + heat. I read on a website that if the injury is not serious three days rest plus R.I.C.E. should do it. I am still having trouble with my knees..that scares me. After all this work and progress and self-esteem building....will I be able to run the race??? It was all too much today. I ate like a pig today. So sad, the day before my weigh in, I pig out. All of the books, all of the positive quotes, all of the success and "pick me ups" couldn't help me today. The emotions were too strong. I ate and ate until my stomach was full. I felt as if I didn't care about anything today...food was my friend today. But my old friend showed its familiar two-faced side. The guilt and the shame followed my binge. Food got me again. It made me believe that it cared about me, but it didn't. It didn't even have a taste this time, it was just there.
God help me, please. I need you to help me see You in my situation. You know my goals and my dreams. You gave them to me. So I know that you will get me to where I need to be. I trust you now. Not food. Food is deceptive. It is temporary. I thought it would help me hide like it did so many times in the past. It was only temporary. But You are real and eternal. I forgive myself for today and look for a great day tomorrow. Although, my emotions won the battle today, they won't win the war. I will complete this marathon. My knees will be strong. My business will continue to grow and be successful. I will reach and maintain my goal weight. I will find the nessessary employees that I need to balance my caseload. I will balance my time for home and my business and for myself. I can do it. Good Night.
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