What a great day!!! I came to work early and had great devotional time with the Lord. Phillipians 3 is a great chapter to read for learning to forget things in the past and pressing toward your goals. Paul teaches us in this chapter to keep our mind on Christ and not the flesh or your human make-up (mind,will and emotions) because your flesh can mislead you, but Christ never will. So if you have some free time read chapter 3 of phillipians. It's good.
I weighed in today with a gain. I asked myself what the real culprits were for the weight gain as was presented in my weight management class today. Here was the real true underlying culprit.....
My husband and I celebrated my run during a little getaway this weekend to Tunica County for dinner and a hotel stay. My mother and father were celebrating my mother's birthday so we joined them for a dinner buffet. Of course, I ate more than I should. My mother was so positive. She has not seen me since July, so she was congratulating me on my weight loss success. My father was not so positive. Somehow we got on the subject of how much I weight now and when this number was revealed my dad shook his head in pure disgust. I felt so terrible. After all the hard work I have put into this, my father can not be happy for me. This has always been the case. He wasn't excited for me when I went off to college, when I worked hard and bought my own car, when I went to graduate school or when I got married or any other success that he couldn't take any credit for. The little girl in me still wants my dad to be proud of me for something. Maybe he is proud of me...I just wish he would show it instead of focusing on the negative. When I shared with them the foot injury that I suffered last week. He was so ready to tell me how he has never had a foot injury. He told me how I need to lose more weight before I consider doing anymore jogging. This hurt me so. NO COMMENTS ON MY SUCCESS!!! BUT A HECK OF ALOT TO SAY ABOUT MY FAILURES. So the next day, I let my emotions get away from me. I totally ate off schedule for two days. I didn't initially realize that I was upset by my dad's comments or lack thereof. Nor did I choose to ignore my dad's negative comments and focus on the positive comments from my mother.
Good News, I put a finger on an emotion that I have never been able to spot. I WANT MY DAD'S APPROVAL. For years, I have been replacing food for his approval. Maybe not all of my bad habits and overeating is related to this, but I believe the majority of it stems from this need to please my dad and have him like me and tell me, "I am proud of you". I do realize that I am a part of him and if he doesn't like me....he doesn't like a part of himself and there is nothing that I can do about that. That is his problem. So what are my goals for this situation that is bound to happen again: 1. Focus on the positive (even in the negative statements, find a way to take positive from it) 2. Remember what God has done for me and in me to make me a better person 3. Continue to walk in love and remember I Corinthians 13:5 (Love) It is not rude, it is not sef-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It felt good to release that. Thanks for listening.
Anyway, so the new excitement that I spoke of Sunday continues. My new week officially starts tomorrow. I am continuing to replace processed low nutrient snacks with fruits and vegetables and other snacks that are nutrient rich. Next weigh in, I will lose not only what I gained, but more. YEA, can't wait to be the best me I can be this week.
Here is a scripture that relates to my Father in Heaven's feelings about me. Maybe this will help you like it has and will continue to help me: Psalms 139:13-17
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