I have been reading a couple books from the library about Compulsive eating and binging. It is so interesting to study the real causes of these behaviors. I fit into the mold so easily. I never thought that my overeating was related to so much emotion until I started this journey. For every emotion I was afraid to show, I let food do the talking. WOW! self discovery is so eye opening.
I would really like to talk about the green monster. Yes! Envy and Jealousy. I really dislike those emotions. I have been jealous, I have been envious, but a jealous and envious person I am not. I am happy for the next person. I love to see people doing well. Especially when they are like me (same age, gender, ethnicity) I am not a "keep up with the Jones" type person. Anyone that knows me knows that I try to be as genuine as I can. I am definitely honest and have lost lots of friends because of my honesty (never rude, just honest and expect honesty in return). People just really have a problem with the truth. They don't understand that truth is freeing. The truth helps you. I don't have envy and jealousy as a personality trait. People have been so jealous of me and my career choices, my family life that they can't even look me in the eye or speak to me. Isn't that something. People I had been friends with (or should I say thought we were friends with) for years. They can't even speak to me. It's as if they can't believe that "Mia Cole" is able to do what she is doing. "How can she be doing that?" I asked Fred what did he think made these people act this way. He said, "They think that they are better than me. How can someone lower than they are be able to pull off what you have." I don't know if he is right, but these people have no idea what I had to go through in my early life, what I will have to go through in the future or what it takes to do what I do everyday. The thing with jealousy is this: YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU. YOU CAN DO THE SAME THING I AM DOING. GET OFF OF YOU BUTT AND STOP WAITING FOR A HAND OUT. NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU BUT YOU! What the jealous person fails to realize is that for #1 I don't care. #2 I really don't care #3 If you just supported my efforts or pretended to, maybe your jealousy and envy wouldn't motivate me to do more. What idiots! I feel sorry for you all. Step out on faith and do something. Don't be mad at me because I'm not afraid to fail. What's the alternative? Never trying. That's worse than failing. Besides when you have had the self esteem problems and emotional abuse that I have suffered. Failure doesn't phase me at all.
Alright, I am done with that. This week had been so good. I have had lots of good feelings about my eating choices. I must say that I have slacked off a bit on my working out since the race. Oh, yes I still get up every morning and work out, but with far less intensity than before the race. I think I am still taking a break from all the training and worrying about my knee. I lost .6 lb this week at WW. They are asking me to organize the 5k that will be held on the 6th of June. I'll do the flyers tonight and email them to my leader. I think this will be fun and exciting. Especially for those who have never done a 5k. We are planning on walking. I am sure everyone will be able to complete the mileage. I'm excited.
Believe it or not, I have the rest of the year's races scheduled and registered for. I also have my CEU trips planned and reserved for the remainer of this year and next. I am on the ball. I rock....Notice, I am saying positive things about myself. Yeah! improvement!
The book is coming along. It is so difficult. I know this is a long, long process. I started at another phase in my life. My home life during my high school years. That was tough. I didn't get very far at all. This book may take several years, but I am willing to make it happen. I know it will help people just like me and my siblings. Just as other books have help me find healing.
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