Too Much, Too Deep!

This book is amazing. I can't tell if I wrote it or the author wrote it. It is exactly how I feel. I am enjoying the book Feeding the Hungry Heart, but I also had the feeling that I need to stay with the bible. I don't want to get lost in "man's" wisdom about things. It is okay to read, but I don't want to make the author my final authority on compulsive eating and emotional matters. God is the one who can counsel me. He will continue to help me, so that I can help others. With that said, this is a deep book. It gets to the core of the compulsion in vivid detail. I read and thought to myself. Too Much, Too deep! I need to read it though. It is helping me to better understand what keeps us from reaching our healthy goals. For some, food and food issues need more than just a visit to weight watchers (me) or jenny craig (me). Some of us (me) need a renewed heart. We need God to take our heart and restore our feelings of security and love that was either taken from us or never given to us. He will restore me and I stand grateful for the restoration that has taken and will continue to take place as I stay on this journey to health.

One of the SIM that I ran with Saturday is a personal trainer. She received her certificate from the same company that my certification came from and she is interested in me assisting her with some children in the Memphis area who need to be educated on healthy eating choices. So in the next couple of weeks, I will be reviewing this program to see if this is something that I may be interested in.

Fred and I went to Oxford Saturday after my run, we attended his sister's graduation from Ole Miss. He was excited about being around his family. He doen't know much about this side of his family because his dad wasn't around much so Fred didn't get a chance to be around them. During the graduation, his grandmother indicated that he never comes to visit. He told her that he would try to do better and visit him as often as he can. Once we got in the car, Fred said that he had a good time, but being around his father and his father's family hurts, because it reminds him or how much he missed out on. It also shows how much he doesn't know about his other side of the family. I didn't have much of a response. I simply said, "I understand."

I have decided not to spend another minute competing with myself or my past self. I can't change anything. I am giving myself a break. The recognition and support that I desire is not longer the driving factor. I have a new motivation...me for others. I am stepping outside of myself and my need to please. I see that I can't please. God has a special place in my heart reserved for Him and I intend on filling it with His love. As I have stated in previous posts, these individuals are not even looking at what I have, am and continuing to do. They still think and will always think that I am a loser. But I didn't lose. I won a lot and am continuing to win, because I am a winner. This break is not to go backwards and return to old feels and habits, but a break on trying to prove my worth. I have said this before in other posts, but the only ones that matter are those that chose me. They saw my worth enough to choose me.