Okay, I didn't write last night because I picked up the Roth book and I completed it. Breath taking...It was so honest..so real..so true. It is a must read for anyone who obsessively eats when they are not hungry. I have lots of people ask me how I lost weight. I tell them about working on me to overcome my binge eating. They really don't want to know the real way I lost weight. They want me to tell them Weight Watchers, or Surgery or Some pill, but if I feel like it, I tell them that it started with Weight Watchers..along with seeking out God-My Father-My creator diligently. They say..."oh, I don't have that problem. I just eat too much bread." or whatever they don't mind admitting that they do. There as so many self-deceived overweight people. Listen IF YOU ARE 100 POUNDS OVER YOUR IDEAL WEIGHT, IT IS MORE THAT YOU JUST LIKING BREAD. I know them very well. I used to be that person. But when I looked into the definition of Binge Eating from the DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria, I fit right in. Check it out:
First, what is a binge? Binge= 1. Spree 2: an act of excessive consumption (as of food) {Webster's New Dictionary of the English Language New Edition}
Okay, we already know what eating is...but for those of you who need this, here is the definition of eat :)
Eat= 1: to take in as food; take food 2: to use up: devour 3: corrode{Webster's}
One more for the clarification of disorder.
Disorder (noun)= 1: lack of order; confusion 2: breach of the peace or public order; Tumult 3; an abnormal physical or mental condition; ailment{Webster's}
Disorder (verb)=1: to disturb the order of 2: to disturb the regular normal functions of {Webster's}
With those definition to clear things up, here is what a Binge Eating Disorder is characterized by the Mental Health professionals.
Binge Eating Disorder-DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria
A. Recurrent episodes of binge eating, characterized by both of the following:
- Eating in a discrete period of time, an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances
- Sense of lack of control over eating during the episode
The binge eating is NOT associated with the regular use of inappropriate compensatory behavior
C. Binge-eating episodes are associated with at least 3 of the following:
- Eating much more rapidly than normal
- Eating until feeling uncomfortably full
- Eating large amounts of food when not feeling physically hungry
- Eating alone because of being embarrassed by how much one is eating
- Feeling disgusted with oneself, depressed, or very guilty after overeating
Note: binge food are typically high in fats, sugars or often both
After obtaining this definition of binge eating disorder, I was able to identify what was going on with me. I probably realized I was a binge eater when I was about 13 or at least I knew there was a problem, but I didn't confess it until I was 27 years old at my job, during our lunch break (we would sit in the therapy room, eat lunch and talk for about two hours) in front of people who had no emotional connection to me. I just wanted to let it go and these people were the perfect ones to let it out to. They don't know me. They don't care about me...so here it goes. I don't remember how we got on the subject. Someone said something about losing weight. To them weight is nothing. It is a few pound here. I nip or tuck there. They don't know what "weight" is. I believe that one other co-worker probably could have related, but she was so trapped in her lies that she didn't even know that she was in the world. " I am a binge eater." I said. They all just looked. One asked, What do you mean? I said, I eat in a two hour period what most people could eat in two days. After, I get off work at 3:30, I go home and eat as much as I can until I can't take any more. I could barley breath after this confession. They did give a rats *&%! I was so relieved. I finally confessed it. To strangers who never even knew Mia Cole. But I did it. Oh, I forgot, when I first met Fred. He met me between sizes (You know during one of the hundred times I lost 30 pounds) He met me when I was minus thirty. We reconnected a year later and I was in the process of putting the weight back on. Once we started dating, I mentioned to him that I had a weight problem, but I don't think I was really confessing then. I was just trying to let him know as much about me up front so that he could make an educated choice. I didn't want to hide from him. I wanted him to know. This was the beginning of my being open with someone I wanted to get close to. My point in all this is everyone has something.Yours may be cigarettes or sex or shopping (or all of the above), but you have something that keeps you from dealing with YOU and YOUR emotions. Something that makes you want to run away from it all. Some way of escape. Something that keeps you from getting into a closer, personal, deep relationship with God. Don't take the bait. That is what Eve did. She took the bait and it separated us from God. She felt like God was holding out on her. "Sooo, I will know good and evil..huh!" I guess we can try this forbidden fruit, baby.
God loves you. He created you and He knows exactly what we need. He is not going force us to come to Him. We have to decide to. Through His word, he will let us know what is right; what is wrong.Then He tells us to Choose Life. I think I like that he does things like that. I used to wonder, why did He give us choices. He wanted a relationship. Not a bunch of fake robots. He wanted to fellowship with real people; with real emotions. So he gave emotions to us-to feel-to work through. Not to run from.
I have decided to stop running from Mia. As I have written before, it is not about 'food'. It has never, ever been about food. It is not about food for you. It is about "not pretending". It is about "not being who 'they' told you you were". It is about "feeling what you really feel". It is about truly loving yourself. The Bible says in several places, but we will go with Matthew 22:39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. So it looks like we need to love ourselves to be able to love others. We have to see ourselves like our Father sees us, how he created us to be. Before the hurt of the planted seeds of destruction who did God create you to be. Find that person. Don't believe the lies of your mind. Find the truth, your truth, God's truth through looking in the mirror (His word) by studying and following the Holy Spirit. Look where it has gotten me. It has and continues to be a bumpy, long, slow, changing rode, but the Now, Me would not change this course God has set before me for a Quadrillion Billion Million Dollars :)
No comments:
Post a Comment